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December 1st. Another eleven months have passed and I find myself stuck in bed not wanting believe it's here. Just a few hours ago I was resting and dreaming peacefully, but in an instant I feel my heart deepen in it's dark void to hide away from this month's horrible memories. To find the strength to move out of bed, feeling darkness tighten it's bonds at my arms to hold me down. Even the dark wishes for me to forget the truth, how pitiful I must look upon the world.
A time of sorrow filled dreams and thousands of curses to God would be my daily routine. For this month I recall the worse moment of my life. I think of the Name...that will never be spoken. I dream of the memories...that we will never be able to make. My heart aches...knowing you are forgotten by everyone except for myself and my wife. I cry for you...even tho you have long since passed.
I hear the sounds of laughing families and cheerful singing. Mindless chatter of what presents they'll be buying. Telling tales of winter shenanigans and heart felt stories by open fire. The holiday cheer that is to make even the blackest heart smile, but what if there is no heart to be seen? Christmas dinner with the entire family, eating, laughing, and sharing the memory. People tell me to be in good holiday cheer, not knowing my cheer left me with a departed spirit.
The bitter cold that many avoid, staying warm in heavy sweater. Where I stand, wearing only the winter fallings. Snow white blanket covering my hair and shoulders, reminding me that I still live even tho my soul is dead. My bare feet lose feeling in the bitter frost, but my heart and mind continue hurting. Time seems to hold still for me, giving me time to gather my shattered thoughts, so I can force myself to enter my house. What's the point? Cold grasp clutches my heart even in the warmth of my home.
I hear the clock, each tick pounds in my mind as I wait for every passing hour. Tormented by the length of day, wanting it to end by now. The clock chimes, telling me an hour has passed...and yet I remain in my bed, now sitting at the edge. I tell myself, only 30 days to go...Then I can put this awful darkness behind me for another...eleven months.
A time of sorrow filled dreams and thousands of curses to God would be my daily routine. For this month I recall the worse moment of my life. I think of the Name...that will never be spoken. I dream of the memories...that we will never be able to make. My heart aches...knowing you are forgotten by everyone except for myself and my wife. I cry for you...even tho you have long since passed.
I hear the sounds of laughing families and cheerful singing. Mindless chatter of what presents they'll be buying. Telling tales of winter shenanigans and heart felt stories by open fire. The holiday cheer that is to make even the blackest heart smile, but what if there is no heart to be seen? Christmas dinner with the entire family, eating, laughing, and sharing the memory. People tell me to be in good holiday cheer, not knowing my cheer left me with a departed spirit.
The bitter cold that many avoid, staying warm in heavy sweater. Where I stand, wearing only the winter fallings. Snow white blanket covering my hair and shoulders, reminding me that I still live even tho my soul is dead. My bare feet lose feeling in the bitter frost, but my heart and mind continue hurting. Time seems to hold still for me, giving me time to gather my shattered thoughts, so I can force myself to enter my house. What's the point? Cold grasp clutches my heart even in the warmth of my home.
I hear the clock, each tick pounds in my mind as I wait for every passing hour. Tormented by the length of day, wanting it to end by now. The clock chimes, telling me an hour has passed...and yet I remain in my bed, now sitting at the edge. I tell myself, only 30 days to go...Then I can put this awful darkness behind me for another...eleven months.
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