dispatch99
📬 Dispatches from the North ❄️
- Local time
- Today 10:28 AM
- Messages
- 639
- Pronouns
- he/him
CONTENT WARNING: Brief mentions of blood, violence, death, sexual assault, suicide, criminal justice.
His badge was of gold, her blood was of red,
They called him to the mansion when they found her dead.
He got out his gear, they set up the tape,
They ruled out robbery, suicide, and rape.
The detective studied, he pondered, he paced,
While the murderer watched, as his heart pumped and raced.
He interviewed around, asked his Questions Twenty,
It resolved little: people's motives were plenty.
So contentious was she—powerful, pretty, and rich,
And jealous men thought she was simply a bitch.
Yet on the scene the cop stayed, searching more and more;
The murderer, though careful, still left clues galore.
So they pressed on, scanning, seeking, deducing,
Doing everything needed for some world-class sleuthing.
They found a footprint on the carpet, a stray hair out of place,
They were getting quite close to solving the case.
The press and police swarmed, desperate to uncover the mystery:
Whoever could solve it would go down in history!
Then the hour had come, all would be revealed,
He gathered everyone around while the police sirens squealed.
He said "I know who's to blame, how they did it, when and why,
Who murdered this woman, and left her loved ones to cry."
They asked: "Whodunnit, Holmes? Have you a clue, or a hint?"
Holmes answered: "Elementary, Dear Watson: the Butler Did It!"
His badge was of gold, her blood was of red,
They called him to the mansion when they found her dead.
He got out his gear, they set up the tape,
They ruled out robbery, suicide, and rape.
The detective studied, he pondered, he paced,
While the murderer watched, as his heart pumped and raced.
He interviewed around, asked his Questions Twenty,
It resolved little: people's motives were plenty.
So contentious was she—powerful, pretty, and rich,
And jealous men thought she was simply a bitch.
Yet on the scene the cop stayed, searching more and more;
The murderer, though careful, still left clues galore.
So they pressed on, scanning, seeking, deducing,
Doing everything needed for some world-class sleuthing.
They found a footprint on the carpet, a stray hair out of place,
They were getting quite close to solving the case.
The press and police swarmed, desperate to uncover the mystery:
Whoever could solve it would go down in history!
Then the hour had come, all would be revealed,
He gathered everyone around while the police sirens squealed.
He said "I know who's to blame, how they did it, when and why,
Who murdered this woman, and left her loved ones to cry."
They asked: "Whodunnit, Holmes? Have you a clue, or a hint?"
Holmes answered: "Elementary, Dear Watson: the Butler Did It!"
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