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Now- this short story, An EGGistential Crisis: The Mediocre Tale of That One Afternoon When Everyone Clapped for Karen...(& NOT Cary Lou) begins a handful of days prior to that fateful afternoon...
Cary Lou was running her fingers through her shoulder length, board straight, blonde hair. Her full pink lips were stretched wide, revealing perfect, polished white teeth. Her outfits were stylish and always exuded a confidence and overall 'put together-ness' that was the envy of every girl at Rawdodgher High. Today's ensemble, a chic navy blazer paired with a wide leg pair of cream-colored pants, was no exception. If looking like a doll walking wasn't enough, Cary Lou had a 4.1 GPA, was the president of the BETA club, and volunteered judiciously. From the outside looking in, she was perfection incarnated. To top it off, despite possessing an inner beauty that paled considerably in comparison to her outer appearance, things always turned up roses for Cary Lou.
"Ahem..." The senior cleared her throat quietly, and a hush fell over the room as a dozen pair of her peers' eyes came to rest on her at the head of the cafeteria table they were gathered around.
"We're here to discuss a topic of utmost importance.." She stressed in a soft, but serious tone. Her eyes coasted from one peer to another as she spoke, her crystal-clear blue irises- the perfect shade of cerulean anyone had ever seen of course, rested just momentarily on each of her classmate's before skirting off to the next. They skittered momentarily to Ira Knee (who worked on the school newspaper and was snapping photos in the far corner of posters that had been created in preparation for the school's upcoming homecoming spirit week), when Karen Callamanager's voice interrupted her mid-sentence.
Karen was the quirky red headed stepchild you tried to forget about, until you were unabashedly reminded of her presence. Her bookish appearance wasn't particularly unappealing or outstanding, but with a propensity to notoriously find some sort of complaint or suggestion to share, and then shouting it loudly, incessantly, and to whomever would listen, Karen, more often than not, became a nuisance and was generally disliked by most. To Cary Lou the other girl often presented as nothing more than a thorn in her side. She was the girl who cried, 'won't you pick up the homework?' and served as a voice of -typically- poor reason in an otherwise thoughtless mass. She doubted today would prove any different.
"Ooh! The homecomi-.." The frizzy haired brunette started, a slight shimmy to her shoulders.
Cary Lou fixed her lips into a tight, close-lipped smile. They really did need to talk about the dance, but it would have to wait another week. This was far too important to delay even another minute. Cary Lou's eyes narrowed to slits for the briefest of seconds: Karen was her opposition and she needed to be torn down.
"No, Karen! For the thousandth time, we are not going to talk about the goddamn homecoming dance!" She cut the girl off, her tone hitting an annoyed shrill before she tensed, took a deep breath and then forced another smile. "This is far more important. Plus, we've still got another-what? Two weeks before homecoming? That's plenty of time! So, please-"
"Yeah, Karen, quit being such a nagggg." Eddy, a heavily eye lined sophomore in all black sporting a spiky mohawk added, winking in Cary Lou's direction before fluttering his tongue at her suggestively. A handful of the BETA club members mumbled mhms in agreement.
Cary Lou recoiled, repulsed, but she smiled warmly and nodded none the less before speaking in a sweet, yet subtly snide tone, "Yes, thank you Eddy. Please, Karen, if you could save your nagging until we get to the end of the meeting, that would be great."
Karen shrunk some in her seat and Cary Lou's smile widened appreciatively.
"So as I was saying- before I was so rudely interrupted - we are here because I overheard the cafeteria ladies say they are at a loss on what to add to the lunch menu..." The muscles around her mouth relaxed into the slightest smirk, "So, we're going to help them!"
"That's what you called an emergency meeting for?!?" A junior prompted incredulously. His grip tightened around a lacrosse stick and his jaw hardened with obvious frustration.
"It does seem a bit frivolous.." A sniveling freshman observed, pushing a pair of red rimmed glasses higher up on her nose.
"Even worse than the last one.." Ed, another sophomore donning a similar fashion sense as Eddy but in bright neon colors, whispered but loudly enough that it was clear he'd wanted the whole group to hear him.
Edd, a third sophomore dressed head-to-toe in overpriced designer pastels and prints, started to snicker, "What do you guys mean?!?.. Deciding what shade of pink we wear collectively on Wednesdays is very important! And I still can't believe you guys chose tickle- me pink... Over ballet slipper pink! The audacity!!.." He turned his nose up with a sarcastic snort and then snickered again.
"We should really talk about the dance... It doesn't have to be a long conversation. We could just pick a theme maybe?" Karen tried again.
Cary Lou's lips drew down into a frown and she huffed with irritation.
"Yes! That is what I called the meeting for! And NO! Oh my god! We are not talking about the dance right now, Karen!! We have to go through this whole process to get a new lunch item on the menu, including a vote, so if you are all done questioning me and making silly jokes, I would like to officially get started." Her voice was stern yet almost pleading and her clear blue eyes were solemn. The only thing she was missing was an adorable little foot stamp.
The jock loosened his grip on the lacrosse stick with an annoyed half shrug and the freshman all but melted under Cary Lou's gaze, sliding down in his chair until his eyes were barely visible above the table. Ed and Edd looked at one another and then back to Cary Lou before tilting their heads in opposing directions indifferently. Karen sat back in her chair again with a pout.
"Ok, great!" Cary Lou perked up immediately. "I was thinking a spinach ricotta quiche dressed up on top with some sun-dried tomatoes and capers..." Her eyes scanned the crowd, subtly daring someone to object.
Cary Lou was aware that the revision of a lunch item didn't necessitate an emergency BETA club meeting, not in the slightest, but, per the usual- Cary Lou had bigger ideas and ulterior motives.
There was one male student in particular that Cary Lou had always been unable to get the attention of for many, many years and everyone -except him, of course- knew she had a crush on him. His name was Sylvester Eduardo Xavier Yelnats- or big Sexy as he was more aptly known, and Cary Lou's quiche suggestion stemmed entirely from a deep impression she was under that big Sexy was a big fan of eggs. (A wild assumption to come to admittedly, but there was a swirling rumor for the longest time, that back in sixth grade big Sexy had bulldozed a kid named Stanley, flat- just like a pancake, just to get to the last egg during an egg hunt at a spring festival. Cary Lou must have failed to make a few distinctions somehow.)
"Pizza would be better.." Ronald, a fellow member of the senior class, chimed in from his position draped lazily across a chair, looking every bit like the burn out he was.
"We already have pizza every Friday, Ronald." Cary Lou rained down on the pizza parade before it could begin.
"Yeah, well what day is this lunch supposed to be on anyways? You didn't even tell us that.." Angelica, another underclassman, inquired with a tremble in her voice.
Cary Lou's lips turned upward, that charming smile covering whatever bases that velvety smooth voice of hers wouldn't. "Wednesday, Angelica. This is for Wednesdays." She waited a beat and then continued with an authoritative fervor.
"That's why I suggested quiche! We already have meatloaf on Mondays, tacos on Tuesdays, pizza on Fridays.. Wednesdays are right in the middle of the week.. we're all already wearing pink...it just seemed to make sense, you know.... What might we suggest instead? Chili dogs? Eww- I mean, honestly anything else seems just downright ridiculous if you really think about it..." She nodded assuredly, well aware her logic lacked any merit, but confident enough she'd smiled widely enough to sell her pitch anyway.
Her gaze went to Stacy and Lacy. They'd been Cary Lou's best friends ever since they'd all traded friendship bracelets back in kindergarten. The two girls were far from the sharpest nails in the shed, which somehow always seemed to work out in Cary Lou's favor as well.
Stacy was quite literally obsessed with Cary Lou. She emulated the other girl wherever possible, even going so far as to bleach her onyx hair blonde to better resemble Cary Lou. The bracelet Cary Lou had traded with the girl in primary school was still ever present, strung on a chain Stacy wore around her neck, and never took off. Her fingers fiddled with this chain now, rubbing the worn heart pendent hanging from the bracelet back and forth against her chin as Cary Lou pitched her cause for quiche. Catching Cary Lou's eye and her cue, Stacy released the pendent and gawked up at her leader, eyes wide and bright with blind devotion.
"Oh, definitely, Cary Lou." She offered eagerly and straightened in her seat. "Who doesn't love um, wha..." She leaned toward Lacy for an aside but forgot to whisper. "Lacy, what was it called again??"
Lacy's fingers twirled a curl around and around as she rolled her eyes, "Oh my god, Stacy...you are so not helping. Just-move." she whispered loudly and shoved the other girl away gently. As she turned to address the group, she changed her expression openly from bemused to agreeable as if she'd actually been out of anyone's sight, and then began to give an exaggerated nod, "Sure, yeah, why not?! Cary Lou is right. Plus, I love kweese- kweesh? Ugh, however you say it, I totally loveee that stuff." Lacy nodded again, shifted her eyes sideways to the male seated next to her, and pursed her lips expectantly. When he didn't respond immediately, she dropped a heel down on his right toe.
Thud. His knee jerked into the underside of the table as he roared to life. "Huh? Oh! Yeah, Lacy's definitely right... Uh- I vote yes?" His tone lacked conviction, but he nodded his head for emphasis.
"Hey Michael, ask Lacy if you could get your balls back on loan for the football game on Friday.. We really need a W." Lacrosse stick called out, snickering.
"Sure thing, Jason... You decide if you taking your left hand or your right to homecoming yet? We're all dying to know.." Michael returned and the chuckles continued.
"Alright, alright, so then it's decided!" Cary Lou announced with a clap of her hands.
Karen raised a halting hand, which garnished a melody of groans. "Umm- Is it, though? You didn't even let like half of us vote."
Cary Lou took a deep, calming breath and spoke through tight lips, "Ok everyone, to appease Karen, can you please, raise your hand if you would like to implement Cool Quiche Wednesdays.." Cary Lou raised a stiff hand and looked to Stacy and Lacy who promptly followed suit.
Michael followed after them, and so did Jason. The sunken freshman was next, then Ronald. Ed, Edd, and Eddy's hands rose simultaneously. Angelica gave in as well with a soft relenting huff. The whole ordeal took less than three seconds. Cary Lou let out a soft sigh and then looked to Karen, an eyebrow lifting questionably.
Karen rolled her eyes and shrugged, "Fine, whatever. Can we talk about the homecomi-"
"Meeting dismissed!" Cary Lou shrieked, and everyone immediately shot up from their seats and disembarked in their separate directions, leaving Karen alone with Ira Knee in the cafeteria. The two girls shared a knowing look and Karen sighed, "Girls like her always win." she complained with another roll of her eye.
"Not always.." Ira Knee said with a quiet shrug and continued to snap her photos.
Fast forward to five days later and it was officially the first Cool Quiche Wednesday of the school year...
Cary Lou walked ecstatically into the lunchroom. She was eager to grab her tray and place herself at the table right in the middle of the cafeteria so that big Sexy could find her easily because, per her eggcellent plan (which later became common knowledge thanks to Lacy when she rage quit the Young Crocheters Club, but that's a story for another day)- right after he was done ranting and raving about how thoughtful she was for having a quiche made in his honor, he'd obviously ask her to be his +1 to the homecoming dance.
Not even five minutes later, big Sexy and his crew stalked into the lunchroom, gathered their trays and made their way thru the lunch line. After receiving his plate, big Sexy did, in fact, start to walk over to the table at the head of the cafeteria, his glare fixated on Cary Lou.
Cary Lou was vibrating visibly with excitement, and she wore a wide, shit eating grin on her face as he approached. (Cary Lou had made sure to wallpaper the hallways with intrigue inducing flyers about a new lunch item that she and the BETA club were responsible for getting on the menu- so that's how big Sexy knew just who to talk to.)
"Yo, dafuq is this, Cary Lou?!" big Sexy demanded, dropping the tray onto the table with a loud smack. "The lunch lady said this shit is basically straight eggs!"
Cary Lou flinched with surprise, her perfect smile twitching involuntarily from the abrupt noise.
"Oh.." She played coy and drew her shoulders up into a cute shrug, "Just a little something the BETA club and I.. but mostly me.. thought you might appreciate." Her smile morphed into a sultry grin.
Big Sexy pulled back appalled, "The fuck? This is for me? I'm allergic to eggs, Cary Lou.." His eyes squinted suspiciously.
Panic distorted Cary Lou's perfect features and the cafeteria let out a unified gasp of surprise. "But, but.. I don't- I didn't.. I thought, I thought… I didn't know! Everyone's always talking about the egg hunt thing.." Cary Lou stammered, as scrambled as the eggs in the quiche on her plate.
big Sexy squinted his eyes harder and shook his head in obvious confusion.
"F-flat Stanley.. i-in s-sixth grade.." Cary Lou choked out, clearly embarrassed.
"That was an Easter egg, you hollow twat needle!" Big Sexy bellowed, laughing harshly at the girl's mistake. "You know- like the plastic ones that're filled with nothin but shit??"
"What?!" Cary Lou's eyes were as wide as golf balls.
big Sexy shrugged, "I really thought you would have been more familiar considering how much you two have in common…" and then turned away from the table, leaving his tray and its ridiculous contents behind.
"big Sexy- wait!! No!!!" Cary Lou pleaded. A red rash had started down her arms, and she scratched at it with a fiendish severity. "I didn't mean- I know what an East- I just…" The crowd started to giggle as Cary Lou became a dumbfounded, blubbering mess, but big Sexy didn't look back.
Instead, he hustled to catch up to Karen as she trashed her own tray of the uneaten egg casserole. "Sup Karen, shits nasty right?" He glanced at Cary Lou and shook his head pitifully, "Anyway- I was wondering if you'd like to go to homecoming with me?" The cafeteria gasped in unison again, save for Cary Lou who was still whimpering like a sad, wet puppy.
Karen blushed, unable to find her words momentarily. "Uh- um, yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.." She replied shyly.
"Bet." big Sexy said, slipping an arm around her shoulders and shooting a wink. "C'mon- Lemme in on the big secret, what's the theme gunna be this year?"
Cary Lou sucked her quivering bottom lip into her mouth and went beat red as she watched her childhood crush fall right into Karen Callamanager's lap... not only that, but big Sexy had all but given Karen the green light to assign whatever theme her heart desired with that one simple question. (Everyone was already wondering why the theme for the dance hadn't been announced a week prior, as the homecoming theme was easily one of the most important decisions the BETA club made, second only to the selection of the Prom theme, of course.) The eerie, tick of a distant clock could be heard, and the air was thick with anticipation as the student body awaited Karen's answer.
Cary Lou lifted a single index finger threateningly. "Karen- Don't you dare!" She called in the sweetest voice she could muster, but the strain was obvious on her features. Her ears were billowing black smoke and her whole body shook with rage.
Karen glanced over her shoulder (the assumption is she'd done so to confront Cary Lou) but her eyes locked with Ira Knee's and they shared a knowing look. Karen's lips split into a wide grin, and she loudly declared, "Arabian Fortnite!"
Cary Lou clutched at her chest and screeched as if she'd just awoken from a nightmare. "Arabian Fortnite!?! What?! NOOooOoOOOoooo! Like- what even is that, Karen?!"
"You know- like Aladdin meets Fortnite?? Jafar-ish Skulltroopers, Genie-like Fishsticks, Jazmin-esque Beef Bosses!" Karen explained with a flourish. big Sexy did The Floss and then the Hype Dance beside her enthusiastically.
The cafeteria erupted into a fit of whoops and hollers.
"No cap?!?" big Sexy pumped his fist in the air excitedly. "That shit gon be lit! Jafar the G.O.A.T with the drip!!!"
"Of course, we'll need to run the theme by the principal to ensure it falls within the school's mission statement before anything's officially offical.." Karen started with a worried look. big Sexy bit down on his lower lip, "Damn girl, the way you always wanna go out of your way to inform and conform to authority is so hot…"
"K-Karen? Karen?!? Karen! Karen!" The cafeteria's chorus slowly changed from an uncertain utterance to a proud declaration.
Cary Lou waved her arms around wildly and, in a last-ditch effort to save face, desperately cried, "We didn't even- We didn't even VOTE!"
At this point, Ira Knee stood and called out to the mass, "All in favor say, 'aye'!" and the cafeteria echoed with a resounding "AYE!"
"Sh-she doesn't even go here!!!" Cary Lou shrieked and sank to her knees, defeated.
Karen and big Sexy locked elbows and skipped out of the cafeteria arm in arm, and Ira Knee watched with a satisfied smirk as the cafeteria's cheers drowned out Cary Lou's sobs.
Karen Callamanager was finally the hero.
Believe it or not— this was just the beginning for our unsuspecting protagonist…Read the sequel, A Mid Homecoming + Ira Knee: a drab recall of a night with particularly peculiar, yet undeniably entertaining, results to find out what happens at the dance and who's crowned homecoming King and Queen.
Cary Lou was running her fingers through her shoulder length, board straight, blonde hair. Her full pink lips were stretched wide, revealing perfect, polished white teeth. Her outfits were stylish and always exuded a confidence and overall 'put together-ness' that was the envy of every girl at Rawdodgher High. Today's ensemble, a chic navy blazer paired with a wide leg pair of cream-colored pants, was no exception. If looking like a doll walking wasn't enough, Cary Lou had a 4.1 GPA, was the president of the BETA club, and volunteered judiciously. From the outside looking in, she was perfection incarnated. To top it off, despite possessing an inner beauty that paled considerably in comparison to her outer appearance, things always turned up roses for Cary Lou.
"Ahem..." The senior cleared her throat quietly, and a hush fell over the room as a dozen pair of her peers' eyes came to rest on her at the head of the cafeteria table they were gathered around.
"We're here to discuss a topic of utmost importance.." She stressed in a soft, but serious tone. Her eyes coasted from one peer to another as she spoke, her crystal-clear blue irises- the perfect shade of cerulean anyone had ever seen of course, rested just momentarily on each of her classmate's before skirting off to the next. They skittered momentarily to Ira Knee (who worked on the school newspaper and was snapping photos in the far corner of posters that had been created in preparation for the school's upcoming homecoming spirit week), when Karen Callamanager's voice interrupted her mid-sentence.
Karen was the quirky red headed stepchild you tried to forget about, until you were unabashedly reminded of her presence. Her bookish appearance wasn't particularly unappealing or outstanding, but with a propensity to notoriously find some sort of complaint or suggestion to share, and then shouting it loudly, incessantly, and to whomever would listen, Karen, more often than not, became a nuisance and was generally disliked by most. To Cary Lou the other girl often presented as nothing more than a thorn in her side. She was the girl who cried, 'won't you pick up the homework?' and served as a voice of -typically- poor reason in an otherwise thoughtless mass. She doubted today would prove any different.
"Ooh! The homecomi-.." The frizzy haired brunette started, a slight shimmy to her shoulders.
Cary Lou fixed her lips into a tight, close-lipped smile. They really did need to talk about the dance, but it would have to wait another week. This was far too important to delay even another minute. Cary Lou's eyes narrowed to slits for the briefest of seconds: Karen was her opposition and she needed to be torn down.
"No, Karen! For the thousandth time, we are not going to talk about the goddamn homecoming dance!" She cut the girl off, her tone hitting an annoyed shrill before she tensed, took a deep breath and then forced another smile. "This is far more important. Plus, we've still got another-what? Two weeks before homecoming? That's plenty of time! So, please-"
"Yeah, Karen, quit being such a nagggg." Eddy, a heavily eye lined sophomore in all black sporting a spiky mohawk added, winking in Cary Lou's direction before fluttering his tongue at her suggestively. A handful of the BETA club members mumbled mhms in agreement.
Cary Lou recoiled, repulsed, but she smiled warmly and nodded none the less before speaking in a sweet, yet subtly snide tone, "Yes, thank you Eddy. Please, Karen, if you could save your nagging until we get to the end of the meeting, that would be great."
Karen shrunk some in her seat and Cary Lou's smile widened appreciatively.
"So as I was saying- before I was so rudely interrupted - we are here because I overheard the cafeteria ladies say they are at a loss on what to add to the lunch menu..." The muscles around her mouth relaxed into the slightest smirk, "So, we're going to help them!"
"That's what you called an emergency meeting for?!?" A junior prompted incredulously. His grip tightened around a lacrosse stick and his jaw hardened with obvious frustration.
"It does seem a bit frivolous.." A sniveling freshman observed, pushing a pair of red rimmed glasses higher up on her nose.
"Even worse than the last one.." Ed, another sophomore donning a similar fashion sense as Eddy but in bright neon colors, whispered but loudly enough that it was clear he'd wanted the whole group to hear him.
Edd, a third sophomore dressed head-to-toe in overpriced designer pastels and prints, started to snicker, "What do you guys mean?!?.. Deciding what shade of pink we wear collectively on Wednesdays is very important! And I still can't believe you guys chose tickle- me pink... Over ballet slipper pink! The audacity!!.." He turned his nose up with a sarcastic snort and then snickered again.
"We should really talk about the dance... It doesn't have to be a long conversation. We could just pick a theme maybe?" Karen tried again.
Cary Lou's lips drew down into a frown and she huffed with irritation.
"Yes! That is what I called the meeting for! And NO! Oh my god! We are not talking about the dance right now, Karen!! We have to go through this whole process to get a new lunch item on the menu, including a vote, so if you are all done questioning me and making silly jokes, I would like to officially get started." Her voice was stern yet almost pleading and her clear blue eyes were solemn. The only thing she was missing was an adorable little foot stamp.
The jock loosened his grip on the lacrosse stick with an annoyed half shrug and the freshman all but melted under Cary Lou's gaze, sliding down in his chair until his eyes were barely visible above the table. Ed and Edd looked at one another and then back to Cary Lou before tilting their heads in opposing directions indifferently. Karen sat back in her chair again with a pout.
"Ok, great!" Cary Lou perked up immediately. "I was thinking a spinach ricotta quiche dressed up on top with some sun-dried tomatoes and capers..." Her eyes scanned the crowd, subtly daring someone to object.
Cary Lou was aware that the revision of a lunch item didn't necessitate an emergency BETA club meeting, not in the slightest, but, per the usual- Cary Lou had bigger ideas and ulterior motives.
There was one male student in particular that Cary Lou had always been unable to get the attention of for many, many years and everyone -except him, of course- knew she had a crush on him. His name was Sylvester Eduardo Xavier Yelnats- or big Sexy as he was more aptly known, and Cary Lou's quiche suggestion stemmed entirely from a deep impression she was under that big Sexy was a big fan of eggs. (A wild assumption to come to admittedly, but there was a swirling rumor for the longest time, that back in sixth grade big Sexy had bulldozed a kid named Stanley, flat- just like a pancake, just to get to the last egg during an egg hunt at a spring festival. Cary Lou must have failed to make a few distinctions somehow.)
"Pizza would be better.." Ronald, a fellow member of the senior class, chimed in from his position draped lazily across a chair, looking every bit like the burn out he was.
"We already have pizza every Friday, Ronald." Cary Lou rained down on the pizza parade before it could begin.
"Yeah, well what day is this lunch supposed to be on anyways? You didn't even tell us that.." Angelica, another underclassman, inquired with a tremble in her voice.
Cary Lou's lips turned upward, that charming smile covering whatever bases that velvety smooth voice of hers wouldn't. "Wednesday, Angelica. This is for Wednesdays." She waited a beat and then continued with an authoritative fervor.
"That's why I suggested quiche! We already have meatloaf on Mondays, tacos on Tuesdays, pizza on Fridays.. Wednesdays are right in the middle of the week.. we're all already wearing pink...it just seemed to make sense, you know.... What might we suggest instead? Chili dogs? Eww- I mean, honestly anything else seems just downright ridiculous if you really think about it..." She nodded assuredly, well aware her logic lacked any merit, but confident enough she'd smiled widely enough to sell her pitch anyway.
Her gaze went to Stacy and Lacy. They'd been Cary Lou's best friends ever since they'd all traded friendship bracelets back in kindergarten. The two girls were far from the sharpest nails in the shed, which somehow always seemed to work out in Cary Lou's favor as well.
Stacy was quite literally obsessed with Cary Lou. She emulated the other girl wherever possible, even going so far as to bleach her onyx hair blonde to better resemble Cary Lou. The bracelet Cary Lou had traded with the girl in primary school was still ever present, strung on a chain Stacy wore around her neck, and never took off. Her fingers fiddled with this chain now, rubbing the worn heart pendent hanging from the bracelet back and forth against her chin as Cary Lou pitched her cause for quiche. Catching Cary Lou's eye and her cue, Stacy released the pendent and gawked up at her leader, eyes wide and bright with blind devotion.
"Oh, definitely, Cary Lou." She offered eagerly and straightened in her seat. "Who doesn't love um, wha..." She leaned toward Lacy for an aside but forgot to whisper. "Lacy, what was it called again??"
Lacy's fingers twirled a curl around and around as she rolled her eyes, "Oh my god, Stacy...you are so not helping. Just-move." she whispered loudly and shoved the other girl away gently. As she turned to address the group, she changed her expression openly from bemused to agreeable as if she'd actually been out of anyone's sight, and then began to give an exaggerated nod, "Sure, yeah, why not?! Cary Lou is right. Plus, I love kweese- kweesh? Ugh, however you say it, I totally loveee that stuff." Lacy nodded again, shifted her eyes sideways to the male seated next to her, and pursed her lips expectantly. When he didn't respond immediately, she dropped a heel down on his right toe.
Thud. His knee jerked into the underside of the table as he roared to life. "Huh? Oh! Yeah, Lacy's definitely right... Uh- I vote yes?" His tone lacked conviction, but he nodded his head for emphasis.
"Hey Michael, ask Lacy if you could get your balls back on loan for the football game on Friday.. We really need a W." Lacrosse stick called out, snickering.
"Sure thing, Jason... You decide if you taking your left hand or your right to homecoming yet? We're all dying to know.." Michael returned and the chuckles continued.
"Alright, alright, so then it's decided!" Cary Lou announced with a clap of her hands.
Karen raised a halting hand, which garnished a melody of groans. "Umm- Is it, though? You didn't even let like half of us vote."
Cary Lou took a deep, calming breath and spoke through tight lips, "Ok everyone, to appease Karen, can you please, raise your hand if you would like to implement Cool Quiche Wednesdays.." Cary Lou raised a stiff hand and looked to Stacy and Lacy who promptly followed suit.
Michael followed after them, and so did Jason. The sunken freshman was next, then Ronald. Ed, Edd, and Eddy's hands rose simultaneously. Angelica gave in as well with a soft relenting huff. The whole ordeal took less than three seconds. Cary Lou let out a soft sigh and then looked to Karen, an eyebrow lifting questionably.
Karen rolled her eyes and shrugged, "Fine, whatever. Can we talk about the homecomi-"
"Meeting dismissed!" Cary Lou shrieked, and everyone immediately shot up from their seats and disembarked in their separate directions, leaving Karen alone with Ira Knee in the cafeteria. The two girls shared a knowing look and Karen sighed, "Girls like her always win." she complained with another roll of her eye.
"Not always.." Ira Knee said with a quiet shrug and continued to snap her photos.
Fast forward to five days later and it was officially the first Cool Quiche Wednesday of the school year...
Cary Lou walked ecstatically into the lunchroom. She was eager to grab her tray and place herself at the table right in the middle of the cafeteria so that big Sexy could find her easily because, per her eggcellent plan (which later became common knowledge thanks to Lacy when she rage quit the Young Crocheters Club, but that's a story for another day)- right after he was done ranting and raving about how thoughtful she was for having a quiche made in his honor, he'd obviously ask her to be his +1 to the homecoming dance.
Not even five minutes later, big Sexy and his crew stalked into the lunchroom, gathered their trays and made their way thru the lunch line. After receiving his plate, big Sexy did, in fact, start to walk over to the table at the head of the cafeteria, his glare fixated on Cary Lou.
Cary Lou was vibrating visibly with excitement, and she wore a wide, shit eating grin on her face as he approached. (Cary Lou had made sure to wallpaper the hallways with intrigue inducing flyers about a new lunch item that she and the BETA club were responsible for getting on the menu- so that's how big Sexy knew just who to talk to.)
"Yo, dafuq is this, Cary Lou?!" big Sexy demanded, dropping the tray onto the table with a loud smack. "The lunch lady said this shit is basically straight eggs!"
Cary Lou flinched with surprise, her perfect smile twitching involuntarily from the abrupt noise.
"Oh.." She played coy and drew her shoulders up into a cute shrug, "Just a little something the BETA club and I.. but mostly me.. thought you might appreciate." Her smile morphed into a sultry grin.
Big Sexy pulled back appalled, "The fuck? This is for me? I'm allergic to eggs, Cary Lou.." His eyes squinted suspiciously.
Panic distorted Cary Lou's perfect features and the cafeteria let out a unified gasp of surprise. "But, but.. I don't- I didn't.. I thought, I thought… I didn't know! Everyone's always talking about the egg hunt thing.." Cary Lou stammered, as scrambled as the eggs in the quiche on her plate.
big Sexy squinted his eyes harder and shook his head in obvious confusion.
"F-flat Stanley.. i-in s-sixth grade.." Cary Lou choked out, clearly embarrassed.
"That was an Easter egg, you hollow twat needle!" Big Sexy bellowed, laughing harshly at the girl's mistake. "You know- like the plastic ones that're filled with nothin but shit??"
"What?!" Cary Lou's eyes were as wide as golf balls.
big Sexy shrugged, "I really thought you would have been more familiar considering how much you two have in common…" and then turned away from the table, leaving his tray and its ridiculous contents behind.
"big Sexy- wait!! No!!!" Cary Lou pleaded. A red rash had started down her arms, and she scratched at it with a fiendish severity. "I didn't mean- I know what an East- I just…" The crowd started to giggle as Cary Lou became a dumbfounded, blubbering mess, but big Sexy didn't look back.
Instead, he hustled to catch up to Karen as she trashed her own tray of the uneaten egg casserole. "Sup Karen, shits nasty right?" He glanced at Cary Lou and shook his head pitifully, "Anyway- I was wondering if you'd like to go to homecoming with me?" The cafeteria gasped in unison again, save for Cary Lou who was still whimpering like a sad, wet puppy.
Karen blushed, unable to find her words momentarily. "Uh- um, yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.." She replied shyly.
"Bet." big Sexy said, slipping an arm around her shoulders and shooting a wink. "C'mon- Lemme in on the big secret, what's the theme gunna be this year?"
Cary Lou sucked her quivering bottom lip into her mouth and went beat red as she watched her childhood crush fall right into Karen Callamanager's lap... not only that, but big Sexy had all but given Karen the green light to assign whatever theme her heart desired with that one simple question. (Everyone was already wondering why the theme for the dance hadn't been announced a week prior, as the homecoming theme was easily one of the most important decisions the BETA club made, second only to the selection of the Prom theme, of course.) The eerie, tick of a distant clock could be heard, and the air was thick with anticipation as the student body awaited Karen's answer.
Cary Lou lifted a single index finger threateningly. "Karen- Don't you dare!" She called in the sweetest voice she could muster, but the strain was obvious on her features. Her ears were billowing black smoke and her whole body shook with rage.
Karen glanced over her shoulder (the assumption is she'd done so to confront Cary Lou) but her eyes locked with Ira Knee's and they shared a knowing look. Karen's lips split into a wide grin, and she loudly declared, "Arabian Fortnite!"
Cary Lou clutched at her chest and screeched as if she'd just awoken from a nightmare. "Arabian Fortnite!?! What?! NOOooOoOOOoooo! Like- what even is that, Karen?!"
"You know- like Aladdin meets Fortnite?? Jafar-ish Skulltroopers, Genie-like Fishsticks, Jazmin-esque Beef Bosses!" Karen explained with a flourish. big Sexy did The Floss and then the Hype Dance beside her enthusiastically.
The cafeteria erupted into a fit of whoops and hollers.
"No cap?!?" big Sexy pumped his fist in the air excitedly. "That shit gon be lit! Jafar the G.O.A.T with the drip!!!"
"Of course, we'll need to run the theme by the principal to ensure it falls within the school's mission statement before anything's officially offical.." Karen started with a worried look. big Sexy bit down on his lower lip, "Damn girl, the way you always wanna go out of your way to inform and conform to authority is so hot…"
"K-Karen? Karen?!? Karen! Karen!" The cafeteria's chorus slowly changed from an uncertain utterance to a proud declaration.
Cary Lou waved her arms around wildly and, in a last-ditch effort to save face, desperately cried, "We didn't even- We didn't even VOTE!"
At this point, Ira Knee stood and called out to the mass, "All in favor say, 'aye'!" and the cafeteria echoed with a resounding "AYE!"
"Sh-she doesn't even go here!!!" Cary Lou shrieked and sank to her knees, defeated.
Karen and big Sexy locked elbows and skipped out of the cafeteria arm in arm, and Ira Knee watched with a satisfied smirk as the cafeteria's cheers drowned out Cary Lou's sobs.
Karen Callamanager was finally the hero.
Believe it or not— this was just the beginning for our unsuspecting protagonist…Read the sequel, A Mid Homecoming + Ira Knee: a drab recall of a night with particularly peculiar, yet undeniably entertaining, results to find out what happens at the dance and who's crowned homecoming King and Queen.
H'okay, so at the risk of exposing just how small the sliver of half brain I'm rocking with isssss ... I will admit that I had ZERO idea what to do with this month's challenge so I just took a lil mean girls inspo + some pun fun, tossed in a couple fortnite skins, mixed it up & hoped for the best. (I 100% think I did not understand the assignment XD so I did my best, or maybe my worst? Either way, i diiiiid try) Just gimme my damn participation badge James, pls & thankyouu ^.^ PS- if you read this piece in its entirety: bless your heart <3 ... if you read this in its entirety + hate me now: #blamebax?
oh! & + also, don't you worry- there's not actually gunna be a sequel XD
oh! & + also, don't you worry- there's not actually gunna be a sequel XD
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