The Office of Multiverse Engagement and Networking (OMEN) was abuzz today- people from all across the various realities began splicing together to meet with their respective clientele. Me specifically? I was to Interview a Verdan, some strange type of Goblinoid from the D&D Multiverse. I was told specifically not to eat, which was odd, but apparently this creature that was related to the Goblins had a love for cooking...great. If I got food poisoning, I was going to sue the NINE HELL'S out of OMEN for healthcare coverage.
As I approached the room marked room- 5-25-22- I was overcome by an overwhelming scent. Contrary to my prior thought, it did not make me want to hurl, but made my mouth water. My perception of Goblins were pretty standard- short, about the size of a human's leg at max height, and full of spite. While every universe's goblins were different, like with WoW, this was usually the standard template we followed. This? This wasn't one of those times- The individual standing over the stove was almost as tall as a human, looked like an elf, and had probably the warmest smile I've seen on a Goblin's face. It was stranger than strange. I began questioning if I was in the right room, but I fact-checked my clipboard, and it said this was the place.
"Excuse me...Greasz Blackblood?"
The supposed Goblinoid would stop what he was doing and turn. "Oh, Hello! I didn't hear you come in- sit, sit! I won't be long."
Bewildered, I sat down and waited, until set before me was...well, Bacon, Fried Eggs, and Steak. Admittedly, that would get my heart's cholesterol up, but I was running on an empty stomach, so I was beyond the point of care. The Steak was a juicy medium rare and the bacon was chewy, not crispy. "This is...rather good, I admit I wasn't expecting this."
"Weren't expecting a goblin to know how to cook?" He had a half smirk on his face, as if he was knew what went on through my head- "Slightly, I'm only a mild telepath, but sorting through all the noise with so many people in a building is...disorienting. I only can see your mind because we're in a one-on-one room."
Telepathic Goblins...well, Now I've seen everything. "I...do not mean offense-"
"S'all right, most people don't, makes it fun to prove them wrong!"
Well...Two minutes in and I feel like I've completely lost my footing. Okay- just focus on the task at hand, Joseph. "Alright- I'll be asking you some questions Greasz, and I hope you can grant me some light on the subject."
"That's fine! You may ask me anything you like- though if you ask for my wife's bra size, I MAY have to poison your drink."
...I can't tell if that is a joke or not.
"That was a joke...maybe..."
"MOVING ON- Alright, so you've been an Adventurer in the Faerun Warden's is says here, for about...a year now."
"Yup- some of our party was different back then, and we've had a few people come and go, but the core has mostly remained the same- Myself, my lovely wife Viscera, Amora, Valenne, and Rolen."
"Very well....and who're some of the people that have joined up?"
"Well, let's see- There is Lee, he is...technically our Leader, though I think he'd rather the job be to anyone else, there is Metorin, who joined up with us a month back, and then there is Iymril, who...We'll say we're not on speaking terms."
"I see...and do you get along with your party members?"
"For the most part, yes- Viscera is my wife, so as you'd expect, I'd sing her praises, but I don't want this to drag on. Amora has to be one of the most DAMN stubbornest dwarves I've ever met, but there's nobody else I'd rather have my back in a fight. Valenne...we're fine, but I feel like trying to hold a conversation with her sometimes is like trying to pull teeth, hers and mind, but she saved my life, therefor I owe her a debt, one I aim to pay. Rolen is a conundrum- stupidly breakable one day, ungodly powerful the next, I can never tell with him and sometimes I wonder if he's an Idiot Savant, for as mindless as he can act, there are times where he does stuff that is pure genius. I will say though, his bahamut obsession is a bit weird- I think he bought a Bahamut dakimakura pillow."
"That is a mental image I 'don't' need- what about the others?"
"Metorin I admittedly haven't had interaction with much, but I believe that is because he tends to keep to himself, though the few times we have talked have been friendly. Iymril...we're strained. His powers as an Arcanist not-with-standing, he has the usual ego and pride you'd expect from a dark elf, and- well, the only reason it has not turned into a fight yet is because of Lee."
"-and this Lee?"
"Complicated- I...ugh. I don't dislike Lee, if that is what you're asking. Lee is a good man, a man who deserves better than what the world has given him, and his Goddess OWES him greatly. But...I feel like he takes a heavy hand to pretty much every task. The Laws of the Crown, the Laws of Civilization, they work...but nuance does exist, and I feel like it doesn't register with him, or understand where other people outside of his station are coming from. He is my Lord, I am his squire, and I will follow his orders to the letter in my training, and I respect him greatly. I also care about him deeply as a friend...but I know one thing."
"That is?"
"I'm not him- and I never will be. I cannot live my life the way he does. He has obligations to his station, I acknowledge that, but like it or not, we're still mortal- we're capable of fallibility. Absolution does not account for that."
"I see...let's move on. Where do you come from, Greasz?"
"I come from the North- the Vaerluth Mountains."
"I see- were you an only child?"
"Nope- there were several of us. My older siblings Squee and Poppy, My other older sister Shifty, Me, Roxanne, and Cookie, who is the baby among us."
"That is...quite the family!"
"Tell me about it. I and Squee are the only boys, so- yeah."
"What's your relationship like with them?"
"Quite good, actually- we send letters to each other rather frequently. We've had rough patches in the past, but...my siblings and I care for each other deeply. My sister Poppy was even there for the birth of my eldest daughter. She is looking after her for the time being."
"Close family bonds then. You mention eldest- I take it you have more than one child?"
"Currently no, but- I have always wanted a big family, and Viscera- I doubt she'd be upset at having more children."
"Tell me a bit about her, you mentioned her briefly."
"What is there to tell? I could say much, but it wouldn't even begin encapsulating her. She is beautiful, passionate, a warm presence, smart in her own way, and enthusiastic about everything she does. Strong too- I bet she could break a Giant's bone on her back without so much as breaking a sweat. My Viscera is a treasure. There is a lot that words cannot describe, just know this- when I came to the world outside of the mountains, it was...overwhelming. But meeting her? Meeting my friends? It made me feel better about coming here."
"Why did you come here?"
"Initially? I left to show the world that Goblins could be trusted- that we deserve the right to be on the world stage with the rest of the Faerun, and that we could show others that this is our world too."
"-and now?"
"Still much the same, but- i am not the only one. A Goblin Shaman told me our people could take care of ourselves and I aim to believe her, so instead of trying to put a 'good face forward', I am going to work towards the betterment of my family and people. I want to actually purchase a tavern, but...now I am starting to think 'bigger'."
"Bigger?"
"Why stop at a tavern? We could use more smiths, we could have our own temples, our own places of business...I think what I am saying is that I am thinking building a tavern is just the start."
"Sounds like your aspirations have grown from pub building to nation building. I pray for your success, Mister Blackblood."
"Thank you- the future isn't written yet, but- With my friends at my side, I think we'll be okay."
"You sound like you have a lot of confidence in them."
"Well, I died once, and all it did was piss them off- I doubt it'll be easy a second time. Hell of a wakeup call though- I got a little girl that wants her Daddy to come home and a Wife that wants me to get home safely. I ain't making that mistake again if I can help it."
"You sound sure of that."
"Next time I die, I think my wife would just have me resurrected to kill me herself, and that's BEFORE Lee and Amora get started. Amora still wants to bury me and WON'T LET IT GO! But that's a story for another day."
"..what?"
As I approached the room marked room- 5-25-22- I was overcome by an overwhelming scent. Contrary to my prior thought, it did not make me want to hurl, but made my mouth water. My perception of Goblins were pretty standard- short, about the size of a human's leg at max height, and full of spite. While every universe's goblins were different, like with WoW, this was usually the standard template we followed. This? This wasn't one of those times- The individual standing over the stove was almost as tall as a human, looked like an elf, and had probably the warmest smile I've seen on a Goblin's face. It was stranger than strange. I began questioning if I was in the right room, but I fact-checked my clipboard, and it said this was the place.
"Excuse me...Greasz Blackblood?"
The supposed Goblinoid would stop what he was doing and turn. "Oh, Hello! I didn't hear you come in- sit, sit! I won't be long."
Bewildered, I sat down and waited, until set before me was...well, Bacon, Fried Eggs, and Steak. Admittedly, that would get my heart's cholesterol up, but I was running on an empty stomach, so I was beyond the point of care. The Steak was a juicy medium rare and the bacon was chewy, not crispy. "This is...rather good, I admit I wasn't expecting this."
"Weren't expecting a goblin to know how to cook?" He had a half smirk on his face, as if he was knew what went on through my head- "Slightly, I'm only a mild telepath, but sorting through all the noise with so many people in a building is...disorienting. I only can see your mind because we're in a one-on-one room."
Telepathic Goblins...well, Now I've seen everything. "I...do not mean offense-"
"S'all right, most people don't, makes it fun to prove them wrong!"
Well...Two minutes in and I feel like I've completely lost my footing. Okay- just focus on the task at hand, Joseph. "Alright- I'll be asking you some questions Greasz, and I hope you can grant me some light on the subject."
"That's fine! You may ask me anything you like- though if you ask for my wife's bra size, I MAY have to poison your drink."
...I can't tell if that is a joke or not.
"That was a joke...maybe..."
"MOVING ON- Alright, so you've been an Adventurer in the Faerun Warden's is says here, for about...a year now."
"Yup- some of our party was different back then, and we've had a few people come and go, but the core has mostly remained the same- Myself, my lovely wife Viscera, Amora, Valenne, and Rolen."
"Very well....and who're some of the people that have joined up?"
"Well, let's see- There is Lee, he is...technically our Leader, though I think he'd rather the job be to anyone else, there is Metorin, who joined up with us a month back, and then there is Iymril, who...We'll say we're not on speaking terms."
"I see...and do you get along with your party members?"
"For the most part, yes- Viscera is my wife, so as you'd expect, I'd sing her praises, but I don't want this to drag on. Amora has to be one of the most DAMN stubbornest dwarves I've ever met, but there's nobody else I'd rather have my back in a fight. Valenne...we're fine, but I feel like trying to hold a conversation with her sometimes is like trying to pull teeth, hers and mind, but she saved my life, therefor I owe her a debt, one I aim to pay. Rolen is a conundrum- stupidly breakable one day, ungodly powerful the next, I can never tell with him and sometimes I wonder if he's an Idiot Savant, for as mindless as he can act, there are times where he does stuff that is pure genius. I will say though, his bahamut obsession is a bit weird- I think he bought a Bahamut dakimakura pillow."
"That is a mental image I 'don't' need- what about the others?"
"Metorin I admittedly haven't had interaction with much, but I believe that is because he tends to keep to himself, though the few times we have talked have been friendly. Iymril...we're strained. His powers as an Arcanist not-with-standing, he has the usual ego and pride you'd expect from a dark elf, and- well, the only reason it has not turned into a fight yet is because of Lee."
"-and this Lee?"
"Complicated- I...ugh. I don't dislike Lee, if that is what you're asking. Lee is a good man, a man who deserves better than what the world has given him, and his Goddess OWES him greatly. But...I feel like he takes a heavy hand to pretty much every task. The Laws of the Crown, the Laws of Civilization, they work...but nuance does exist, and I feel like it doesn't register with him, or understand where other people outside of his station are coming from. He is my Lord, I am his squire, and I will follow his orders to the letter in my training, and I respect him greatly. I also care about him deeply as a friend...but I know one thing."
"That is?"
"I'm not him- and I never will be. I cannot live my life the way he does. He has obligations to his station, I acknowledge that, but like it or not, we're still mortal- we're capable of fallibility. Absolution does not account for that."
"I see...let's move on. Where do you come from, Greasz?"
"I come from the North- the Vaerluth Mountains."
"I see- were you an only child?"
"Nope- there were several of us. My older siblings Squee and Poppy, My other older sister Shifty, Me, Roxanne, and Cookie, who is the baby among us."
"That is...quite the family!"
"Tell me about it. I and Squee are the only boys, so- yeah."
"What's your relationship like with them?"
"Quite good, actually- we send letters to each other rather frequently. We've had rough patches in the past, but...my siblings and I care for each other deeply. My sister Poppy was even there for the birth of my eldest daughter. She is looking after her for the time being."
"Close family bonds then. You mention eldest- I take it you have more than one child?"
"Currently no, but- I have always wanted a big family, and Viscera- I doubt she'd be upset at having more children."
"Tell me a bit about her, you mentioned her briefly."
"What is there to tell? I could say much, but it wouldn't even begin encapsulating her. She is beautiful, passionate, a warm presence, smart in her own way, and enthusiastic about everything she does. Strong too- I bet she could break a Giant's bone on her back without so much as breaking a sweat. My Viscera is a treasure. There is a lot that words cannot describe, just know this- when I came to the world outside of the mountains, it was...overwhelming. But meeting her? Meeting my friends? It made me feel better about coming here."
"Why did you come here?"
"Initially? I left to show the world that Goblins could be trusted- that we deserve the right to be on the world stage with the rest of the Faerun, and that we could show others that this is our world too."
"-and now?"
"Still much the same, but- i am not the only one. A Goblin Shaman told me our people could take care of ourselves and I aim to believe her, so instead of trying to put a 'good face forward', I am going to work towards the betterment of my family and people. I want to actually purchase a tavern, but...now I am starting to think 'bigger'."
"Bigger?"
"Why stop at a tavern? We could use more smiths, we could have our own temples, our own places of business...I think what I am saying is that I am thinking building a tavern is just the start."
"Sounds like your aspirations have grown from pub building to nation building. I pray for your success, Mister Blackblood."
"Thank you- the future isn't written yet, but- With my friends at my side, I think we'll be okay."
"You sound like you have a lot of confidence in them."
"Well, I died once, and all it did was piss them off- I doubt it'll be easy a second time. Hell of a wakeup call though- I got a little girl that wants her Daddy to come home and a Wife that wants me to get home safely. I ain't making that mistake again if I can help it."
"You sound sure of that."
"Next time I die, I think my wife would just have me resurrected to kill me herself, and that's BEFORE Lee and Amora get started. Amora still wants to bury me and WON'T LET IT GO! But that's a story for another day."
"..what?"
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