A series of postcards sent to Miss Irri Dissent, celebrated drag queen from Provincetown, RI, from her dear friend Miss Opal Essenz
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Hey Irri!
I'm finally doing it! I'm going on tour! The wigs are packed and I have a trash bag full of glitter in my trunk (literally and figuratively, ha ha ha!). I'll be playing some of the best clubs across the country, and along the way I have plans to make a few…SPECIAL stops—you know what I mean. Time for a few people to pay some debts. I'll drop a few more postcards along the way to let you know how it goes. Give my love to everyone back home!
See you in a few months!
-Opal
I'm finally doing it! I'm going on tour! The wigs are packed and I have a trash bag full of glitter in my trunk (literally and figuratively, ha ha ha!). I'll be playing some of the best clubs across the country, and along the way I have plans to make a few…SPECIAL stops—you know what I mean. Time for a few people to pay some debts. I'll drop a few more postcards along the way to let you know how it goes. Give my love to everyone back home!
See you in a few months!
-Opal
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Hola Irri!,
Remember that Karen who talked all that shit about me on Instagram? You know, the one with the slurs and everything? Well thanks to those screenshots you took (thanks again doll, you're the MVP with this one!) I was able to bring them all the way to this bougie ski resort and print them out for her boss! I could hear them yelling at her all the way in the lobby lol.
Tour is going well, doing a new Cher number in Santa Fe next week. Watch for the vid!
Love you biiiiiiiiiitch!
-O
Remember that Karen who talked all that shit about me on Instagram? You know, the one with the slurs and everything? Well thanks to those screenshots you took (thanks again doll, you're the MVP with this one!) I was able to bring them all the way to this bougie ski resort and print them out for her boss! I could hear them yelling at her all the way in the lobby lol.
Tour is going well, doing a new Cher number in Santa Fe next week. Watch for the vid!
Love you biiiiiiiiiitch!
-O
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IRRI!
I just won $15k in the Miss Mango Madness Pageant! I'm a little worried because it was issued in about forty Visa gift cards, and the owner of the Gaytor Garage & Nightclub told me not to tell the cops where I got them. But the real prize was beating that bitch CoCo Sherbét in the strut off. Ever since she returned my orange sequined minidress with a hole in it she's been on my list. Can you believe she had the nerve to ask me for a few of the cards on the way out? Some sob story about an eviction, what a liar. I told her to kiss my ass lol.
-Miss Mango Madness
I just won $15k in the Miss Mango Madness Pageant! I'm a little worried because it was issued in about forty Visa gift cards, and the owner of the Gaytor Garage & Nightclub told me not to tell the cops where I got them. But the real prize was beating that bitch CoCo Sherbét in the strut off. Ever since she returned my orange sequined minidress with a hole in it she's been on my list. Can you believe she had the nerve to ask me for a few of the cards on the way out? Some sob story about an eviction, what a liar. I told her to kiss my ass lol.
-Miss Mango Madness
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Hey Irri,
Karma really is a bitch. I did a show at Harry's Hideout (the crowd was fab as always), but there was this guy, I think he was some girl's bf or something, and he just WOULD NOT leave Prism Attack alone (and not in a good way, you know how she likes these cowboys otherwise). First he was loud, then he got grabby, then he started making threats, so the bouncer threw him out. Later I was walking back to the car and I saw this sketchy looking dude pull a gun on him and ask for his wallet. I know the loud guy saw me when he was screaming for help, but I just kept walking. I'm NOT sorry.
Kisses,
Ope <3
Karma really is a bitch. I did a show at Harry's Hideout (the crowd was fab as always), but there was this guy, I think he was some girl's bf or something, and he just WOULD NOT leave Prism Attack alone (and not in a good way, you know how she likes these cowboys otherwise). First he was loud, then he got grabby, then he started making threats, so the bouncer threw him out. Later I was walking back to the car and I saw this sketchy looking dude pull a gun on him and ask for his wallet. I know the loud guy saw me when he was screaming for help, but I just kept walking. I'm NOT sorry.
Kisses,
Ope <3
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Hi Irri,
Bet you're wondering what I'm doing on the east coast now. Believe it or not, my old roommate Becky has a federal job out here. Remember how she stole my autographed Frank Zappa album when she lived with me? Well guess who spent a week following her to and from work! Not gonna incriminate anyone here, but let's just say there was a quick smash and grab job at her apartment, she isn't missing ANYTHING but the vinyl, and the person who might have shown up on the neighbor's Ring camera looks NOTHING like me (not a wig or sparkle in sight). Poor unlucky Becky!
Love,
The Grand Wazoo
Bet you're wondering what I'm doing on the east coast now. Believe it or not, my old roommate Becky has a federal job out here. Remember how she stole my autographed Frank Zappa album when she lived with me? Well guess who spent a week following her to and from work! Not gonna incriminate anyone here, but let's just say there was a quick smash and grab job at her apartment, she isn't missing ANYTHING but the vinyl, and the person who might have shown up on the neighbor's Ring camera looks NOTHING like me (not a wig or sparkle in sight). Poor unlucky Becky!
Love,
The Grand Wazoo
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Hey Irri,
I came out to California in peace, I really did. Max Obregon lives out here and I thought I'd try one more time to make amends in person. We were best friends when we were little kids, all the way up through high school. But when I finally came out of the closet…well, you know how it goes. He wasn't mean or anything like that, but it felt sort of like the tide going out, and it never came back in. I thought maybe if I showed up at his restaurant with the cookies his mom taught me how to make we could try starting fresh, but it didn't work. He calmly but firmly asked me to leave and never come back.
More cookies for me I guess. At least I didn't let him see me cry on the way out.
-Opal
I came out to California in peace, I really did. Max Obregon lives out here and I thought I'd try one more time to make amends in person. We were best friends when we were little kids, all the way up through high school. But when I finally came out of the closet…well, you know how it goes. He wasn't mean or anything like that, but it felt sort of like the tide going out, and it never came back in. I thought maybe if I showed up at his restaurant with the cookies his mom taught me how to make we could try starting fresh, but it didn't work. He calmly but firmly asked me to leave and never come back.
More cookies for me I guess. At least I didn't let him see me cry on the way out.
-Opal
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Hi Irri,
I know you told me to forget about Joey. I know you said to never step foot in Louisiana again. But I had to see him, Irri. Being so close made me miss him. And yeah, I was still mad about the two flight attendants in Vegas thing. Men. They say they love you, then do things like that. Well, I didn't get the answers I was looking for, since when I knocked on the door of his trailer Joey wasn't home. But you know who was? His long-suffering wife Braelynn, who told me all about his latest antics. She wanted a little revenge too, so we drank some wine, got out her old camcorder, and made Joey a little video. Braelynn's gonna leave it (and both our thongs tied in a bow haha) on the TV for him when she empties the bank account and leaves him next month.
Good for her.
-Ope
I know you told me to forget about Joey. I know you said to never step foot in Louisiana again. But I had to see him, Irri. Being so close made me miss him. And yeah, I was still mad about the two flight attendants in Vegas thing. Men. They say they love you, then do things like that. Well, I didn't get the answers I was looking for, since when I knocked on the door of his trailer Joey wasn't home. But you know who was? His long-suffering wife Braelynn, who told me all about his latest antics. She wanted a little revenge too, so we drank some wine, got out her old camcorder, and made Joey a little video. Braelynn's gonna leave it (and both our thongs tied in a bow haha) on the TV for him when she empties the bank account and leaves him next month.
Good for her.
-Ope
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Dear Irri,
I'm writing this from a casino bar in Black Hawk, so I guess you know why I'm here. My father's a blackjack dealer now, from social media it looks like he makes okay money. I know I should forget about it, forget all the awful things he said to me when we were kids, forget the way he used to beat the shit out of me, forget how he told me over and over to kill myself and all the times I almost did it. But underneath all the glitz and glam of my life, Irri, sometimes there are wounds that don't heal. Not until you close them yourself. I got a gun while I was down in Texas, and I'm going to wait for him in the parking garage when he gets off in a few hours. You probably won't hear from me again Irri, but I want you to know I fucking love you and you're an amazing person. Thank you for being my friend, and look out for all the other girls.
With all my heart,
Queen Opal Essenz
I'm writing this from a casino bar in Black Hawk, so I guess you know why I'm here. My father's a blackjack dealer now, from social media it looks like he makes okay money. I know I should forget about it, forget all the awful things he said to me when we were kids, forget the way he used to beat the shit out of me, forget how he told me over and over to kill myself and all the times I almost did it. But underneath all the glitz and glam of my life, Irri, sometimes there are wounds that don't heal. Not until you close them yourself. I got a gun while I was down in Texas, and I'm going to wait for him in the parking garage when he gets off in a few hours. You probably won't hear from me again Irri, but I want you to know I fucking love you and you're an amazing person. Thank you for being my friend, and look out for all the other girls.
With all my heart,
Queen Opal Essenz
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Hello Irri!
So I guess you can tell I'm not in jail haha. I didn't do it. I wanted to, I wanted to sooooo bad. I waited there in that parking garage for hours, watching it snow outside and waiting for him to come out. But when I was looking outside, I saw these kids sledding together, just laughing and having fun. I wanted to join them, even though I wasn't really dressed for it (I was gonna do the thing in heels and a little black dress!). And I knew if I did this thing, there wouldn't be anymore sledding for me. No more shows, no more dancing. No more road trips. I'd never see you again if I did it, Irri, you or any of the other girls. You'd all miss me at Pride next year, wouldn't you? There wouldn't be any more Pride for me either if I did it.
So I left. Got in my car and just started driving. Along the way I booked a few more shows, and I figure I'll try to let life push down the hurt a little bit longer. I think we just gotta try and live as big as we can, and if we can't get rid of the petty mean shit, we can at least put it in the background, where only our closest (like you, Irri <3) ever have to see it.
I'll see you on the first, okay? It'll be a party. I'll bring the glitter, you bring the vodka, and we'll dance until the sun comes up.
Xoxo
Queen Opal Essenz
So I guess you can tell I'm not in jail haha. I didn't do it. I wanted to, I wanted to sooooo bad. I waited there in that parking garage for hours, watching it snow outside and waiting for him to come out. But when I was looking outside, I saw these kids sledding together, just laughing and having fun. I wanted to join them, even though I wasn't really dressed for it (I was gonna do the thing in heels and a little black dress!). And I knew if I did this thing, there wouldn't be anymore sledding for me. No more shows, no more dancing. No more road trips. I'd never see you again if I did it, Irri, you or any of the other girls. You'd all miss me at Pride next year, wouldn't you? There wouldn't be any more Pride for me either if I did it.
So I left. Got in my car and just started driving. Along the way I booked a few more shows, and I figure I'll try to let life push down the hurt a little bit longer. I think we just gotta try and live as big as we can, and if we can't get rid of the petty mean shit, we can at least put it in the background, where only our closest (like you, Irri <3) ever have to see it.
I'll see you on the first, okay? It'll be a party. I'll bring the glitter, you bring the vodka, and we'll dance until the sun comes up.
Xoxo
Queen Opal Essenz
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