Baxter Peters
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Disclaimer:
This entry may technically violate the site rules on school settings, but as it's a one off and no children are directly involved, I'ma do it anyway. James and Otys can smack me if'n they like.
--
Ms. Rebecca Cartwright leaned back in her seat and rubbed the back of her neck. According to the wall clock, it was 6:45pm, and she'd been at school for more than 12 hours. While some parents found parent teacher conferences annoying, it was nothing compared to the way she dreaded these long days. Beyond just the endless day, she was forced to be both welcoming and firm to a cavalcade of parents, grandparents and guardians who ranged from overly extroverted to downright hostile. Parents had one uncomfortable interaction. She had 15-25 depending on how many showed.
Thankfully, her 6:45 seemed to be a no-show. Excellent. Maybe she'd have time to hop to the lounge and grab a Coke Zero.
Just then, her classroom door swung open, smashing her calorie free soda hopes to pieces. As she rose to greet the newcomer, she began, "Hello, I'm Ms. Cartrwight, wel....come..." her greeting trailed off as she took in her visitor, brain struggling to make sense of what she was seeing. The visitor was ducking and turning his shoulders as he came through her doorway before straightening, head nearly brushing the ceiling tiles. His oddly... flat head.
"Sorry." She shook her head and glanced at her notes, "Mr. Munster?"
"Hoo hoo hoo, call me Herman," The giant with greenish skin cooed as he clapped his hands together like a giddy school child. He lumbered more than walked over to her desk and offered over a hand bigger than a dinner plate. "A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Cartwright. Eddie has had nothing but good things to say about you."
After a moment's hesitation, Rebecca took Herman's cool and clammy hand, giving it a brief shake as the hairs along her arms rose. "Yes, well. Edward is certainly a very special young man. Please, have a seat." She gestured to the adult sized chairs sitting before her desk, but said chair might as well have been one of the kid's seats compared to the massive man before her.
"Of course." Herman dropped into the chair with an unceremonious flop. Sadly, the seat was not manufactured for this sort of stress and collapsed, the giant sprawling unceremoniously into the floor.
'Well, this is how I die,' the horrified woman thought to herself as she watched the monstrous pratfall, already envisioning Mr. Munster ripping off her limbs in retribution.
"Whoops!" Herman said from the floor with a sheepish expression. "Sorry, that happens more than you'd think. I'll... umm, take that out to the dumpster when we're done." He just sat in the floor, looking utterly content in his black suit.
"Right... so first, it's fine. I'll tell the principle we need some stronger furniture. Are you sure you're... all right?" She was pretty sure he wasn't hurt from the fall, but alright? That was a whole other issue.
"Just fine. I fell through the my roof the other day. This is nothing. I'm a bit clumsy, you see." He flapped his hand through the air, presumably in an awkward wave.
"Well, okay then. Should we talk about Edward?" Rebecca asked hesitantly.
"Umm. I think so? Normally Lily does these, but she and Grandpa are back in the old country, so here I am!" He laughed with an insane vigor, as if he'd just made a terrific joke.
Still convinced she was going to die, Rebecca did the only thing she could think of. She continued to go through the motions of the conference. Sinking into her seat, she checked her notes, "Well, there's nothing to worry about on an academic front. Edward is a remarkable student. Stronger in English than Arithmetic, but still solid there."
"Oh, he gets that from his Grandpa. I don't have a head for numbers. I was supposed to have the head of a scientist, but they dropped it and had to go with the backup." Herman laughed and scratched at the bolts in the side of his neck. "If you want to know anything about digging graves, I'm your man though. The things I can do with a shovel..."
Nope. No, no, nopeity no. Rebecca did not want to know what Mr. Munster did with a shovel. "Yes... well, I will keep that in mind Mr. Munster."
"Herman," the monster interrupted.
"Yes, right. Herman." She quickly corrected herself before clearing her throat. "There is one itsy bitsy thing I'd like to talk to you about. Edward has been bringing a doll to school."
"Ahh, yes. Spot. He loves that wolf. Reminds him of his cousin, Larry."
"Well, it's unusual for a boy his age to play with dolls. I don't have an issue with it, of course, but some of the students have been teasing him about it. At least, they were. Something happened the other day between Edward and one of the boys who'd been teasing him. We don't know what happened, but the boy wet himself and won't look at Edward since."
Herman looked confuzzled at that. After a moment, he shrugged a bit and replied, "I'll let Lily know about it when she's back, but just to be clear, the other child is okay, right? He wasn't say... savaged by a wild animal? You know, bite wounds, claw marks, maybe some unexplained blood loss?"
"No, no. Nothing like that. Just embarrassment. I asked Edward what happened, and he just said Spot didn't like being teased."
"Well, that's certainly true." Herman shrugged as if his agreement was totally normal and sane. "Glad no one was hurt. Eddie's done a great job training Spot. Much better than last year."
"Right... right... Well, Mr. Mun... err, Herman. It's been a pleasure meeting you. I feel like I understand Edward so much more now. I'm afraid the next appointment is coming up, so unless you have any questions, I should really prepare for the next parents." Rebecca silently prayed that she wouldn't be killed and that he didn't have any questions.
"No, not at all. I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work. We really appreciate you, Ms. Cartwright. You wouldn't believe how many teachers we've gone through to find someone Edward likes." He whistled and shook his head, "So... many... teachers." Awkwardly rising back to his feet, he gave her a big smile, black lip stretched taut over yellowed teeth, "Oh, I brought you a gift." He placed a shiny red apple on the center of her desk. Only one side of the apple was smashed from his fall. "Good luck making it through the rest of the year." He laughed as he turned and left the room, twisting his ungainly form once more to get through the door.
After a few moments to make sure it wasn't coming back, Rebecca brushed the apple into her trash can, then retrieved a bottle of vodka from her desk drawer. "Jesus Christ..."
He'd forgotten to take the shattered chair with him.
This entry may technically violate the site rules on school settings, but as it's a one off and no children are directly involved, I'ma do it anyway. James and Otys can smack me if'n they like.
--
Ms. Rebecca Cartwright leaned back in her seat and rubbed the back of her neck. According to the wall clock, it was 6:45pm, and she'd been at school for more than 12 hours. While some parents found parent teacher conferences annoying, it was nothing compared to the way she dreaded these long days. Beyond just the endless day, she was forced to be both welcoming and firm to a cavalcade of parents, grandparents and guardians who ranged from overly extroverted to downright hostile. Parents had one uncomfortable interaction. She had 15-25 depending on how many showed.
Thankfully, her 6:45 seemed to be a no-show. Excellent. Maybe she'd have time to hop to the lounge and grab a Coke Zero.
Just then, her classroom door swung open, smashing her calorie free soda hopes to pieces. As she rose to greet the newcomer, she began, "Hello, I'm Ms. Cartrwight, wel....come..." her greeting trailed off as she took in her visitor, brain struggling to make sense of what she was seeing. The visitor was ducking and turning his shoulders as he came through her doorway before straightening, head nearly brushing the ceiling tiles. His oddly... flat head.
"Sorry." She shook her head and glanced at her notes, "Mr. Munster?"
"Hoo hoo hoo, call me Herman," The giant with greenish skin cooed as he clapped his hands together like a giddy school child. He lumbered more than walked over to her desk and offered over a hand bigger than a dinner plate. "A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Cartwright. Eddie has had nothing but good things to say about you."
After a moment's hesitation, Rebecca took Herman's cool and clammy hand, giving it a brief shake as the hairs along her arms rose. "Yes, well. Edward is certainly a very special young man. Please, have a seat." She gestured to the adult sized chairs sitting before her desk, but said chair might as well have been one of the kid's seats compared to the massive man before her.
"Of course." Herman dropped into the chair with an unceremonious flop. Sadly, the seat was not manufactured for this sort of stress and collapsed, the giant sprawling unceremoniously into the floor.
'Well, this is how I die,' the horrified woman thought to herself as she watched the monstrous pratfall, already envisioning Mr. Munster ripping off her limbs in retribution.
"Whoops!" Herman said from the floor with a sheepish expression. "Sorry, that happens more than you'd think. I'll... umm, take that out to the dumpster when we're done." He just sat in the floor, looking utterly content in his black suit.
"Right... so first, it's fine. I'll tell the principle we need some stronger furniture. Are you sure you're... all right?" She was pretty sure he wasn't hurt from the fall, but alright? That was a whole other issue.
"Just fine. I fell through the my roof the other day. This is nothing. I'm a bit clumsy, you see." He flapped his hand through the air, presumably in an awkward wave.
"Well, okay then. Should we talk about Edward?" Rebecca asked hesitantly.
"Umm. I think so? Normally Lily does these, but she and Grandpa are back in the old country, so here I am!" He laughed with an insane vigor, as if he'd just made a terrific joke.
Still convinced she was going to die, Rebecca did the only thing she could think of. She continued to go through the motions of the conference. Sinking into her seat, she checked her notes, "Well, there's nothing to worry about on an academic front. Edward is a remarkable student. Stronger in English than Arithmetic, but still solid there."
"Oh, he gets that from his Grandpa. I don't have a head for numbers. I was supposed to have the head of a scientist, but they dropped it and had to go with the backup." Herman laughed and scratched at the bolts in the side of his neck. "If you want to know anything about digging graves, I'm your man though. The things I can do with a shovel..."
Nope. No, no, nopeity no. Rebecca did not want to know what Mr. Munster did with a shovel. "Yes... well, I will keep that in mind Mr. Munster."
"Herman," the monster interrupted.
"Yes, right. Herman." She quickly corrected herself before clearing her throat. "There is one itsy bitsy thing I'd like to talk to you about. Edward has been bringing a doll to school."
"Ahh, yes. Spot. He loves that wolf. Reminds him of his cousin, Larry."
"Well, it's unusual for a boy his age to play with dolls. I don't have an issue with it, of course, but some of the students have been teasing him about it. At least, they were. Something happened the other day between Edward and one of the boys who'd been teasing him. We don't know what happened, but the boy wet himself and won't look at Edward since."
Herman looked confuzzled at that. After a moment, he shrugged a bit and replied, "I'll let Lily know about it when she's back, but just to be clear, the other child is okay, right? He wasn't say... savaged by a wild animal? You know, bite wounds, claw marks, maybe some unexplained blood loss?"
"No, no. Nothing like that. Just embarrassment. I asked Edward what happened, and he just said Spot didn't like being teased."
"Well, that's certainly true." Herman shrugged as if his agreement was totally normal and sane. "Glad no one was hurt. Eddie's done a great job training Spot. Much better than last year."
"Right... right... Well, Mr. Mun... err, Herman. It's been a pleasure meeting you. I feel like I understand Edward so much more now. I'm afraid the next appointment is coming up, so unless you have any questions, I should really prepare for the next parents." Rebecca silently prayed that she wouldn't be killed and that he didn't have any questions.
"No, not at all. I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work. We really appreciate you, Ms. Cartwright. You wouldn't believe how many teachers we've gone through to find someone Edward likes." He whistled and shook his head, "So... many... teachers." Awkwardly rising back to his feet, he gave her a big smile, black lip stretched taut over yellowed teeth, "Oh, I brought you a gift." He placed a shiny red apple on the center of her desk. Only one side of the apple was smashed from his fall. "Good luck making it through the rest of the year." He laughed as he turned and left the room, twisting his ungainly form once more to get through the door.
After a few moments to make sure it wasn't coming back, Rebecca brushed the apple into her trash can, then retrieved a bottle of vodka from her desk drawer. "Jesus Christ..."
He'd forgotten to take the shattered chair with him.