Rainalee - A Moment too Late - September 2016 Winner

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Rainalee - A Moment too Late - September 2016 Winner

Rainalee

Elegance
Inner Sanctum Nobility
Local time
Today 10:44 AM
Messages
170
Age
32
Location
The Clouds

The sound of the heart monitor has become white noise to me now, as I sit here at your bedside. Mom's taking a moment to herself....So I'm here. As I sit here at your bed side, I look at your fragile and sunken face. You were DNR....why did they bring you back, just to have us wait? I guess....in a way I'm glad though. I can sit beside you, like I've never been able to before. I can wait beside you....I can close my eyes and think of all the memories we could have had....had you been around. Thank you for the cards....thank you for the phone calls. But....As I sit here at your bedside, and I look at your face, I really don't know who you are.

Visits once every...what?....5 years or more...that will make a stranger out of you. Mom's heart sunk to hear you were coming here...to grow old....to have her care for you. She loves you, but oh....you made her cry so much....But yet, she loves you. I'll lean my head here...okay? You smell like a hospital gown grams...And your lips, they're dry and cracked....Who are you? Is it troubling that I can't cry? I don't know...who you are. I've had 3 years to learn, but.....I still never found out. I was grown when you came....I was busy...I didn't bother to come around much. Besides, all I'd known really was the woman who came once in a blue moon, baring nick knacks and candy. I'd known the woman my mom spoke about, and...well that never seemed too nice.

I need to stretch my legs grams....but I'm still here, don't worry....I wish...maybe I could have had your home made noodles....did you even make home made noodles? I wish....I could have had sleepovers....at your house maybe...Or seen you at school on grandparents day....but you weren't around so...I guess I can just imagine what that could be like. Why'd you come here grams....just to let us watch you get old and die now....why couldn't you have done that down south with the rest of the family? Why'd you come here?...
Mom's back....her eyes are all red....She always talked so bad about you...all the hurt you caused her...and are causing her now!....But she's crying for you....She's talking to you even though you're probably unable to hear her.

"Mom...I'm back."

What's this?....You're heart rate kinda changed....and you're moving your lips? You can actually hear her?....
I have to sit down.....I have to cover my mouth....I have to look to the ceiling to fight tears that are coming no matter what I do now. What is this? I barely know this woman.....I'm crying now?
I think I get it now.....As these tears flood my vision....after all these years....after all your mistakes.....After barely showing your face....You came all the way north where mom and I live....You came.....for forgiveness.

I need to hold you! I need to hold you before you go! I need to tell you I love you! I need to sing to you! I need to draw you a picture! I need to kiss your cheek! I need to do so much!

I'm gonna sit here now grams, and I'm gonna hold your hand....

"I love you grandma....." I decide to say it as I plant a kiss to your dry skin. Your lips move....but you can't speak. This woman is old....She has regrets....She has heartache...and she's dying now.

She was DNR.....They revived her upon mistake....But that mistake.....may have kept me from making the greatest mistake of my life.....I may not have had you around...But I forgive you grams....And I understand you are human...as I watch your life come to a close.

I'll always remember, the moment I saw you as more than just a woman who brought candies and nick knacks....My fondest moment, was my saddest moment....And a moment engraved in my heart, filled with sorrow and sweetness.

It's okay Grams....
We all have things we wish we could rewrite...
Just know...
I saw you.
I saw your heart.
And I loved you in that moment.


Even if it was a moment too late.​
 
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