Sanctum Writing Guide The Dos and Don'ts of Domination (And Suggestions For Submissives)

(Revamped October 2024)

This is part guide, part bored rambling. Things I have had kicking around in my head for a while. None of this is directed at anyone in particular, nor are they a universal rulebook. They are, however, a mental checklist, something that should be considered when working on the story where they are relevant. In particular, these are designed to avoid pitfalls that I have seen a lot of wannabe doms and dommes fall into.

Beyond that, I will be adding some helpful suggestions for submissive writers that are aimed at helping you find better dom writers and help make their job a little easier.


Now, as anyone who has glimpsed through any of my Roleplays (Hint hint) would know, I have a bit of experience in this area. These are things that I find work and things I have seen others do that often don't. The examples are male-centric, but the principles aren't. These will work just as well for female characters.

Oh yeah, last thing: This list is going to be a little blunt and mildly graphic. Discussion of sexual violence and assault will occur. Consider this the disclaimer.

The Do's and Don'ts of Domination:

Don't: Be Afraid to Be The Bad Guy

This is one I see all the time. Your princess is no longer in another castle, she's in yours. She's tied to the bed, terrified, helpless, you walk in... and immediately proclaim your eternal love, talk about how your mother never hugged you and deep down you just want to be accepted.

Okay. Hyperbole. But not by much. There is a natural instinct in writing of self-justification. Of always, implicitly, putting your character in the best possible light. Oh they still do awful things—but sympathy is evoked at every turn. The character is always justified, always altruistic or always misunderstood.

In some cases, this works. If you're doing a soft dom in a consensual roleplay, them being a massive teddy bear can work. But it becomes a problem when the same principle is applied to your menacing badass who is supposed to invoke fear.

In such contexts it is a written castration. It takes away menace, removes the danger from anger, makes every threat empty, because if you follow through, you are contradicting your own narrative. This is especially a problem when writing dub and non-con scenes (required disclaimer that only in written form are either an acceptable part of being a dom and if you think otherwise, I hope someone castrates you with a pencil sharpener) because implicit in those scenes is the genuineness of the threat. If removed, you are not only undermining the seriousness of the topic—frankly, you're removing the fun part of the kink. The implicit assumption when a partner requests dub or non con is that they want their character to be afraid of yours

If you want your guy to be good, make him get there slowly. A gradual growth of human empathy or gradual reveal of a tragic backstory is a LOT more compelling than dropping it at the start. There is one other option, but that will be a future point

Do: Foreplay, For Fuck's Sake

Controversial opinion time: Sex is boring.

Alright: Not in real life (unless you are doing it wrong). But in the written word? It is boring to write, boring to read and in a roleplay? One where your characters will probably have it multiple times, ridiculously redundant.

Think about it seriously for a moment. The actual act of penetrative sex is extremely repetitive. The same motions, repeated for an extended period of time, leading to a predictable final result. This is not interesting writing. You can burn through three thesauruses trying to describe the length, girth, hardness or wetness of whatever equipment your characters possess and ultimately, none of it will make for an interesting, dynamic scene.

There are good ways to get around this and bad:

Bad:

Change position like you're writing a play-by-play of Cirque du Soleil.

Pretend that it isn't a problem and do multiple back-and-forth posts describing nothing but the act of humping.

I think those are pretty self-explanatory.

Okay, I hope those are pretty self-explanatory.


Good:

The title of this whole thing. Foreplay. This includes both the good kind and the bad. Whether it is teasing an obedient sub or torturing a defiant captive, the longer you let the actual act of sex hang over the scene before you reach it, the less the act itself matters. It's just the foregone conclusion of a scene that can be far more dynamic and interesting than its climax (pun intended) ever could be. Things like sensory deprivation, orgasm denial and light pain work especially well for "good guy" doms, as they can very easily be played in interesting ways. Playing a "bad guy" is similar, but the goal is a small escalation. A torture scene that goes straight for the agony, has nowhere left to go. One that is more about the fear though gives your partner a lot more to work with. It should go without saying, that there are also just more dynamic options for sex—oral, either way, using toys, forced masturbation, the list is as long as you can make it

Dynamic interaction. This applies more to the actual sex. Namely, you should try to find things that make it all more interesting. This can be setting, position or a character moment. Just something to make it interesting and give your partner more room to act. If your character is a violent brute, hit her. If he's manipulative and controlling, choke her. If she's his captive, threaten her. If she's his willing submissive, bribe her. You can add tension, conflict and make the act itself far more interesting.

And of course, the twin to foreplay, aftercare. For your good guy, that's can be the whole flowers and kisses and telling her she is a good girl. For your bad guy? Even more options. Everything from rubbing it in (maybe literally) to forcing them to clean up to just forcing them to endure the aftermath can extend the scene and add a lot of emotional depth.

Don't: Forget What a Dom Does

They Dominate. In a roleplay, that is literal.

Something I have seen across several sites for over a decade now: nothing will kill a dom/sub roleplay faster than a bad dom.

A poorly done sub will cause issues, don't get me wrong, but far less of them, because a sub is often only able to respond the actions of the dom. Someone tied to the bed doesn't, in general, have a lot of freedom. A good dom can always steer the ship back on track (Ships don't go on tracks, dammit James. Metaphor better), but even someone who is amazing at writing a submissive character won't be able to do much if the dom character doesn't give them anything interesting to respond to.

In the meta sense, what I recommend is that you should not just write your own reply. You should internally write your partner's. I don't mean take control of their character or even influence their reply. Often they will go a completely different direction and that's perfectly fine. But taking this step will ensure that you have actually given them a post that they can respond to, which gives them all the information they need to have in order to reply. One tactic I can strongly advise is "signposting." In essence, tell your partner what your character plans to do after their reactions so they can extend their reply. Something simple like "After she answered the question, he would..." will allow her to not just answer the question, but write what happens next from her own perspective without needing to godmod.

You are, at all times, in a dominant role and, by nature of that, you are the on in control of the story. Roleplaying is a partnership, but roleplaying a dom/sub dynamic means that your character in the driver's seat. OOC can be used to share the burden, but keep your hands on the wheel or the whole thing will careen off a cliff.

Do: Complicate Your Motivations

This one is a little more complicated than it seems. Because it includes the caveat: GOOD, complex motivations.

This suggestion is a little like porn. You can't necessarily define what is or isn't a good motive, but when you see it, you'll know it. That said, the best options here are split. I'm going to focus on good motives for a bad guy.

In my view, the best way to make this work is to have a character whose worldview is understandable and consistent, but profoundly wrong. Unless they are either mentally ill or some kind of deliberately evil being (both of which can work, but require a lot of skilled characterization), the goal should be to have someone who can reasonably justify their own actions. I have written ancient characters who, having seen so much suffering, view causing a little more for their own pleasure as inconsequential. I have written politically and ideologically motivated characters who do what they do believing it will have a greater good. I have written characters so consumed by vengeance their empathy for their targets is gone. There is an endless tapestry of these and almost all are more interesting both to write and to play against than one who just... does things. Beyond which, the more unusual the motive, the more room you have to look at the implications of it. A good motive will carry a character far outside of a sex scene

Don't: Waste a Good Idea

This is kind of a subset of "Do foreplay", but far more specific. But there is some tendency, when planning a roleplay, in particular, a domination scene, to run through a whole bunch of ideas. Bondage? Wax play? Sensory deprivation? Whipping? Orgasm denial? Why not all at once!?! After all, you have whole lists of kinks to play with.

That is something of a problem because it results in scenes that have no clear focus. You are rushing from one thing to the next and not giving yourself or the sub time to play it out. This can also cause you to waste an idea that could be an entire scene in only a couple posts. Pick one or two things to focus on and go over them IN DETAIL (more forthcoming on that). Let there be actions and reactions and gradual escalation. Sure, you could just throw the hot wax on her—but dripping a little at a time in different areas will let your partner write different reactions, as well as anticipate future reactions. Some of my best-written scenes drew a single idea out over several posts, in intricate detail and allowed my partner to respond. You can pair with dialogue and internal motivations for even more weight.

Do: Detail

This is something that in my view, helps a lot with pacing, especially in paragraph roleplaying. If you are light on detail, you can instead go for length through several events trying to pad your length. This is fine when writing in the narrative, but a nightmare in a scene. It gives your partner a long checklist of things to respond to (or skip over) and makes each individual thing less important. Detail is your friend because it lets you convey information to your partner, build character and make the scene more unique, all at once. Don't say "He whipped her". Say how hard he did it. Say where it hit. Was it a steady rhythm? Or random strikes? Is he angry? Calmly sadistic? Is he getting off on it or doing it for a reason? Does he wait for her reactions? How does he respond to those reactions? All of these things let your partner plan out a better reply, give your character more depth and establish the exact tone of a scene.

To repeat my earlier advice on signposting: You can pre-load your actions to give your partner more content to work with. If you have your character say "one word out of your mouth and I whip you", now they can write the word and the whipping and their response. This avoids another common pitfall, one where the submissive writer, due to the circumstances, is extremely confined by the actions of the dom and so each reply becomes pure reaction to what has already happened.

Suggestions for Submissives:

The Backfill Problem

One of my great dreads when I am writing a dominant character is to receive a lovely reply, paragraphs long, filled with beautiful, detailed prose—only to reach the end and realize that their reply ends at the exact same time as mine did. If I am lucky, it moves things forward in a sentence or two.

This is what I call the backfill problem and it is, in short, when someone makes the overwhelming majority of their reply backfill as to what their character was doing, thinking and feeling during the previous post, then does very little to advance beyond it. While this problem can be found in all roleplay, it is especially potent in a dom/sub dynamic because it places all the burden of progression upon the dom. It is a two-pronged problem—because the dom has less to react to, in order to match post length, they need to either pad with detail or advance the story even further than planned. Which in turn, can create more backfill. Over time, this does end up feeling like you are dragging the entire story and I have given up stories over it in the past.

I strongly suggest that, if that is the situation of your reply when you are done typing, you consider what happens next. Ask your partner what they are thinking. The difference between advancing two sentences versus advancing even two short paragraphs can make a world of difference in terms of the quality of the replies you get in return.

OOC, Please

The relationship between a dom and a sub requires an immense amount of trust. This holds true as well for roleplay.

Because of the nature of domming, you will often run up against the old roleplay etiquette problem of godmodding. Because your role is literally to dominate someone else's character, this leads to a blurry line between what is you controlling someone's character in your post versus what is you controlling their character via your own.

The solution is, of course, out-of-character talk. Planning out posts, even in vague terms, can help set the parameters.

From submissives, it can be especially helpful to get both explicit clarification on what they consider godmodding and, more importantly, direction on how their character might act. Being able to guide a scene around minor reactions can avoid a lot of hazards in the road.

In short: talk to your partners. Not only is planning half the fun, but it can also help with the aforementioned backfill problem. If both of you are planning ahead, you both have a better idea of how and where to progress the story.

Be a brat, but...

So this is aimed at my favourite of all the submissives, the not-at-all-humble brat.

Brats are, in most respects, more fun to write against than a purely obedient submissive. Stories are driven by conflict and if a dominant's reply is giving orders and yours is following them, then there isn't really much of a story.

However, I feel the need to highlight a common pair of mistake I see all the time when writing as a dom:

1. Don't make defiance your character's entire personality. It might be how they act when facing their dom, especially if they are unwilling, but as soon as he leaves the room, it just doesn't work if she spends all her time thinking about how much she hates him. Vulnerability in private lends depth and makes any break in her resolve later more believable, because the defiance is an act and one that is exhausting

2. Defiance should be tempered by practicality unless your character is literally insane. Refusing to speak a word or she'll be slapped is one thing. Refusing to speak it when her life is on the line is quite another. Never make an ultimatum where one of the results is something you do not want, because this stalls the roleplay—your partner can't actually kill her because the story would end, but he can't give in or the problem will persist. A clever dom can work around this, but it is easier.

Especially (and I cannot stress this enough) do not make ultimatums where one of the results would violate your own limits unless you have already discussed the ultimatum and the result with your partner. I have had this happen twice and both roleplays ended immediately. Limits in roleplay are sacrosanct and they need to be treated that way by both parties.

I'm going to cut it off here, just a few words short of "seriously, how do you find time to write this". Thank you for reading and I hope you found this guide helpful!!