Forgive the awkward way this is written, the actual opener will be altered and tailored to fit our needs when I have found a partner. This is more enticement and an example of what I can offer you.
I can guarantee a large portion will be rewritten to suit us and the type of character you develop.
Though the scene with your parents will still happen, dialogue is just likely to be a bit different. You know what I mean, I’m sure.
I only write in third person, it’s written this way only to avoid giving too much identity to your character, as I want you to be able to build name, personality and etc yourself… however, it needs to be said that I absolutely cannot stand weepy and wailing type girls that scream, cry and beg whenever anything gets rough or tough, instead of keeping a clear head and using some clever wit and intelligence.
Dealt with way too much “OH no! Please no! Don’t touch me! Wah! Wah!”. I would like to avoid that archetype. It gets old and boring really, really quickly.
Anyway, in this story, YC and my female MC would be returning home after having run away at 18 (YC) and 17 (MC) {It’s been four years since then}, us and our parents want to reconcile and make things right between all of us… however… when you get there ahead of female MC… someone else is there too and they have control over your entire home…
Who is this? What does any of this have to do with the two of us?
A deal? An old deal involving us?
Secrets are about to be revealed…
The spacious foyer of your family’s ancestral mansion was bathed in the dim glow offered by a few strategically placed candelabras, the shifting shadows cast by the tiny flickering flames gave the space an eerie and off putting vibe… then again… perhaps the current company had a lot to contribute to that as well…
When you had returned home to reconcile with your parents after years of being away since you fled your home at seventeen… you never expected you would arrive exhausted and weary from a long day of travel and wishing only to find rest in your old room… only to find that your entire home had been overtaken by mysterious pale and weirdly strong strangers…
They ignore your questions and insults, they merely tell you that the master will be downstairs shortly and everything would become clear then.
You feel a presence then towards the grand staircase that connects the foyer to the second floor…
Even in the dim light… you can see that he is beautiful… this stranger with skin pale as moonlight, hair as black as onyx, eyes as red as glowing rubies… a smug and satisfied smirk plays across his lush exquisite lips as his gaze locks with yours…
He knows you can’t stop looking at him… and this pleases him…
Who the hell is this guy and what is he and his friends doing in your family home?!
“Greetings, (Insert YC name here)... I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you… though I was hoping your sister would be here too…” He spoke at last as he began to slowly descend the stairs “No matter though… you will tell us where she is one way or another… oh, don’t look at me like that, I won’t allow any harm to befall you… never in a hundred thousand years will I ever allow anyone to hurt you…”
“Please, Valentine! Leave our girls alone!” Your mother pleads, trying to pull away from the hold a few of the strangers have on her arms “We never should have made that deal! Punish us for our insolence, but do not drag them into this!”
“You will be silent” Valentine sneered softly, his tone never raising from calm and authoritative, he descended and walked past where you were being restrained, standing then in front of your parents “You think you can make a deal with me, benefit from my help… and then send your assassins after me to get out of fulfilling your end of the bargain…”
His hand lashed out then, grabbing for your father’s throat before the man could get a word out “Your assassins were good… I was badly hurt… it took me a few years to fully recover, even with my vampiric healing abilities… you have no idea how badly I want to crush your throat right now… right in front of your wife and daughter…”
Valentine’s grip tightened slightly, causing your father to gasp in pain, but the beautiful raven haired male only smiled in response “I would take such satisfaction in torturing you… long, slow… painfully…”
His ruby gaze abruptly shifted to you then and he released his grip on your father’s throat “However… I think your fate will be left in your daughter’s hands…”
Moving away from your parents, Valentine came to begin slowly circling like… like some kind of eerily beautiful vulture…
“Dearest (Insert YC name here)... would you like to know the details of the bargain your parents made with me and how it involves you?” He said, his eyes gleaming with dark amusement as he came around the front of you, stopping to stand there with his hands folded neatly behind his back “It started a few years before you were born… you see your father’s family were falling on hard times, quite hard actually… your grandfather made some horrible business investments that went terribly awry… your father had just married your mother… and your family was going to lose EVERYTHING…”
“Please Valentine! Enough!” Your father desperately pleaded “I beg of you!”
“Silence them” Valentine ordered calmly, his gaze never leaving yours.
Some of the strangers, clearly under this Valentine fellow’s command, withdrew linen strips and gagged your parents, preventing them from further interrupting their master.
“Your grandfather remembered an old story then, one that his grandfather had told him… about a local coven of vampires that could make all of your problems go away, no matter what they were… but for a price… the subject of which was always unique to each bargain made…”
His almost luminous ruby eyes were mesmerizing… you couldn’t look away… you couldn’t find the will to speak… perhaps that was what this Valentine wanted…
Vampires though? Was this dude crazy or maybe on drugs?
“Your parents followed the instructions left behind by your father’s great grandfather and met with me in the graveyard not too far from your family estate… they wanted me to make their financial troubles disappear and everything be the way it was before your grandfather’s stupid decisions… Do you want to know what my price was?”
A gleam of something almost unhinged danced across those ruby eyes, his smile was sweet… but still eerie.
“My brother and I have been lonely a long time and we decided together that we wanted to make steps towards changing that… so… your family needed a financial miracle… and we needed brides…” Valentine continued “The price was this… when your parents started having children… the first born daughter would be betrothed to me… the second born daughter, betrothed to my brother…”
He shrugged “I know what you are thinking… if we were lonely, why not give dating a try or just choose some attractive woman off the street… but for a number of reasons, that wasn’t doable… vampire females are just too scarce and the ones we can find are just insufferable… where mortal women are concerned, eh… dating runs the risk of exposure, plus having to pretend to be mortal… could you imagine that? My brother and I pretended to be ordinary mundane human mortals? Such an insult to our true glory… but we could be patient and stay away while you and your sister grew up to adulthood… whereupon weddings would be held and my brother and I would bestow the eternal dark kiss upon our brides…”
He turned then and cast a dark venomous look towards your gagged parents “However… when your and your sister ran away from home after being told too early of your arranged marriages… we made plans to pursue you both and bring you back to wait a few more years until you were old enough to receive the kiss… your parents… your wretched backstabbing parents… they hired vampire hunters to attack my mansion… I was badly wounded and my brother wasn’t about to leave me in my condition to chase after you alone…”
His glanced slid back to you and the expression on his face softened a little “We were preparing to come after you now that my injuries are all healed… but would you know it… having your phone lines tapped all this time really paid off… my henchmen overheard that you and your sister had reconnected with your parents, you were planning to come back and fix your fractured relationships… your parents… after their hunters never returned and I did not resurface… they believed me dead, they believed it was safe to bring you home…”
Valentine reached forward and fished your cellphone out of your bluejeans front right pocket “You are going to call your sister right now… make sure she is still on her way here… you will do nothing to give away our presence… if you do anything beyond what I have instructed… I will drain your parents bodies dry right in front of you and then I will have your sister hunted down and she will be dragged here anyway… whether or not your parents are still alive to see your wedding day… that is up to you…”
He extended your cellphone to you.
I can guarantee a large portion will be rewritten to suit us and the type of character you develop.
Though the scene with your parents will still happen, dialogue is just likely to be a bit different. You know what I mean, I’m sure.
I only write in third person, it’s written this way only to avoid giving too much identity to your character, as I want you to be able to build name, personality and etc yourself… however, it needs to be said that I absolutely cannot stand weepy and wailing type girls that scream, cry and beg whenever anything gets rough or tough, instead of keeping a clear head and using some clever wit and intelligence.
Dealt with way too much “OH no! Please no! Don’t touch me! Wah! Wah!”. I would like to avoid that archetype. It gets old and boring really, really quickly.
Anyway, in this story, YC and my female MC would be returning home after having run away at 18 (YC) and 17 (MC) {It’s been four years since then}, us and our parents want to reconcile and make things right between all of us… however… when you get there ahead of female MC… someone else is there too and they have control over your entire home…
Who is this? What does any of this have to do with the two of us?
A deal? An old deal involving us?
Secrets are about to be revealed…
The spacious foyer of your family’s ancestral mansion was bathed in the dim glow offered by a few strategically placed candelabras, the shifting shadows cast by the tiny flickering flames gave the space an eerie and off putting vibe… then again… perhaps the current company had a lot to contribute to that as well…When you had returned home to reconcile with your parents after years of being away since you fled your home at seventeen… you never expected you would arrive exhausted and weary from a long day of travel and wishing only to find rest in your old room… only to find that your entire home had been overtaken by mysterious pale and weirdly strong strangers…
They ignore your questions and insults, they merely tell you that the master will be downstairs shortly and everything would become clear then.
You feel a presence then towards the grand staircase that connects the foyer to the second floor…
Even in the dim light… you can see that he is beautiful… this stranger with skin pale as moonlight, hair as black as onyx, eyes as red as glowing rubies… a smug and satisfied smirk plays across his lush exquisite lips as his gaze locks with yours…
He knows you can’t stop looking at him… and this pleases him…
Who the hell is this guy and what is he and his friends doing in your family home?!
“Greetings, (Insert YC name here)... I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you… though I was hoping your sister would be here too…” He spoke at last as he began to slowly descend the stairs “No matter though… you will tell us where she is one way or another… oh, don’t look at me like that, I won’t allow any harm to befall you… never in a hundred thousand years will I ever allow anyone to hurt you…”
“Please, Valentine! Leave our girls alone!” Your mother pleads, trying to pull away from the hold a few of the strangers have on her arms “We never should have made that deal! Punish us for our insolence, but do not drag them into this!”
“You will be silent” Valentine sneered softly, his tone never raising from calm and authoritative, he descended and walked past where you were being restrained, standing then in front of your parents “You think you can make a deal with me, benefit from my help… and then send your assassins after me to get out of fulfilling your end of the bargain…”
His hand lashed out then, grabbing for your father’s throat before the man could get a word out “Your assassins were good… I was badly hurt… it took me a few years to fully recover, even with my vampiric healing abilities… you have no idea how badly I want to crush your throat right now… right in front of your wife and daughter…”
Valentine’s grip tightened slightly, causing your father to gasp in pain, but the beautiful raven haired male only smiled in response “I would take such satisfaction in torturing you… long, slow… painfully…”
His ruby gaze abruptly shifted to you then and he released his grip on your father’s throat “However… I think your fate will be left in your daughter’s hands…”
Moving away from your parents, Valentine came to begin slowly circling like… like some kind of eerily beautiful vulture…
“Dearest (Insert YC name here)... would you like to know the details of the bargain your parents made with me and how it involves you?” He said, his eyes gleaming with dark amusement as he came around the front of you, stopping to stand there with his hands folded neatly behind his back “It started a few years before you were born… you see your father’s family were falling on hard times, quite hard actually… your grandfather made some horrible business investments that went terribly awry… your father had just married your mother… and your family was going to lose EVERYTHING…”
“Please Valentine! Enough!” Your father desperately pleaded “I beg of you!”
“Silence them” Valentine ordered calmly, his gaze never leaving yours.
Some of the strangers, clearly under this Valentine fellow’s command, withdrew linen strips and gagged your parents, preventing them from further interrupting their master.
“Your grandfather remembered an old story then, one that his grandfather had told him… about a local coven of vampires that could make all of your problems go away, no matter what they were… but for a price… the subject of which was always unique to each bargain made…”
His almost luminous ruby eyes were mesmerizing… you couldn’t look away… you couldn’t find the will to speak… perhaps that was what this Valentine wanted…
Vampires though? Was this dude crazy or maybe on drugs?
“Your parents followed the instructions left behind by your father’s great grandfather and met with me in the graveyard not too far from your family estate… they wanted me to make their financial troubles disappear and everything be the way it was before your grandfather’s stupid decisions… Do you want to know what my price was?”
A gleam of something almost unhinged danced across those ruby eyes, his smile was sweet… but still eerie.
“My brother and I have been lonely a long time and we decided together that we wanted to make steps towards changing that… so… your family needed a financial miracle… and we needed brides…” Valentine continued “The price was this… when your parents started having children… the first born daughter would be betrothed to me… the second born daughter, betrothed to my brother…”
He shrugged “I know what you are thinking… if we were lonely, why not give dating a try or just choose some attractive woman off the street… but for a number of reasons, that wasn’t doable… vampire females are just too scarce and the ones we can find are just insufferable… where mortal women are concerned, eh… dating runs the risk of exposure, plus having to pretend to be mortal… could you imagine that? My brother and I pretended to be ordinary mundane human mortals? Such an insult to our true glory… but we could be patient and stay away while you and your sister grew up to adulthood… whereupon weddings would be held and my brother and I would bestow the eternal dark kiss upon our brides…”
He turned then and cast a dark venomous look towards your gagged parents “However… when your and your sister ran away from home after being told too early of your arranged marriages… we made plans to pursue you both and bring you back to wait a few more years until you were old enough to receive the kiss… your parents… your wretched backstabbing parents… they hired vampire hunters to attack my mansion… I was badly wounded and my brother wasn’t about to leave me in my condition to chase after you alone…”
His glanced slid back to you and the expression on his face softened a little “We were preparing to come after you now that my injuries are all healed… but would you know it… having your phone lines tapped all this time really paid off… my henchmen overheard that you and your sister had reconnected with your parents, you were planning to come back and fix your fractured relationships… your parents… after their hunters never returned and I did not resurface… they believed me dead, they believed it was safe to bring you home…”
Valentine reached forward and fished your cellphone out of your bluejeans front right pocket “You are going to call your sister right now… make sure she is still on her way here… you will do nothing to give away our presence… if you do anything beyond what I have instructed… I will drain your parents bodies dry right in front of you and then I will have your sister hunted down and she will be dragged here anyway… whether or not your parents are still alive to see your wedding day… that is up to you…”
He extended your cellphone to you.