Peregrine
Knight
- Local time
- Today 4:25 PM
- Messages
- 29
She shook her head. "I'm glad you don't understand."
She paced away from him, shaking her head, "I'd like to be new. Or I'd like to be at least worn, but not a wreckage. I'd like to be more than a corpse in motion. Shit, I'd settle for being able to find a smile that wasn't forced."
She looked away out the window she found herself next too and sighed, "But I was ruined. It f****** destroyed me, even though it happened to her."
The silence lingered. It was unbearably uncomfortable, but he seemed to know he needed to wait for her to speak again.
"I don't know how to excavate myself. I don't know how to renovate the rubble that has become my foundations, my tumbling walls. What happened has left every damn thing colored in cruelty and kindness. No part of the future, if I can find my way to it, isn't tainted by it now. Even on days I manage to forget the shell I live in, it finds me."
She paused, letting her words out on a quiet shuddering breath, "The fear."
She swiped at her face, finding tears she'd thought she couldn't possibly still have. "F*** cancer."
She paced away from him, shaking her head, "I'd like to be new. Or I'd like to be at least worn, but not a wreckage. I'd like to be more than a corpse in motion. Shit, I'd settle for being able to find a smile that wasn't forced."
She looked away out the window she found herself next too and sighed, "But I was ruined. It f****** destroyed me, even though it happened to her."
The silence lingered. It was unbearably uncomfortable, but he seemed to know he needed to wait for her to speak again.
"I don't know how to excavate myself. I don't know how to renovate the rubble that has become my foundations, my tumbling walls. What happened has left every damn thing colored in cruelty and kindness. No part of the future, if I can find my way to it, isn't tainted by it now. Even on days I manage to forget the shell I live in, it finds me."
She paused, letting her words out on a quiet shuddering breath, "The fear."
She swiped at her face, finding tears she'd thought she couldn't possibly still have. "F*** cancer."