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- 19
To: Research Personell
From: Jan Cossix, Senior Lab Manager
Subject: !!!MUST READ!!! TO ALL UNINFORMED LAB TECHNICIANS
10/21/37
I never wanted to be the one who had to inform EVERYONE on the research team, but apparently the people in resource management are busier than the SENIOR LAB MANAGER OF A FUCKING FIVE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLAR SPACE STATION. You CAN NOT share this email with anyone other than your lab team. And I don't know how anyone possibly could, but absolutely do not share this information with anyone on earth. We do not need the CIA or KGB covering our asses. Just be professional.
This is not a personal email, I do not love any of you nearly enough to be sending out personal emails. This email's purpose is quite honestly, fucking useless. But a lot of lab employees keep asking about confidential information and the StarBoard Directors ain't budging. However, as Senior Lab Manager it is fully within my power to tell them to shove one up their ass and to INFORM my OWN employees. Information that is, granted, as referred to as before, fucking useless. But here you go since you all are SOOOO curious. This is a brief history of government contact with our favorite alien, the Cystoids (y'know, the species this ENTIRE space station exists to study). And if anyone from the StarBoard is reading this, fuck you, maybe your resource managers should get their cronies to make a visual timeline or some shit.
So, 1950s Russians sent a satellite into space. But uh oh their big ball of metal got fucked on by Cystoids. They sent a manned ship up to the satellite, and every one of their cosmonauts died.
The Americans got their taste of the Cysts when they sent their first manned mission for a spacewalk a few years after, and they died too.
The entire space race of the 1960s was mostly comprised of sending men into space for some alien slugs to kill them, and then pretending for the public that absolutely nothing was wrong. The public didn't even have the slightest clue that non-terrestrial beings had been discovered until the 1970s when the Soviets and Americans teamed up to build Aether-1. The first space station was created to contain Cystoids. Turns out it's hard to hide billions of taxpayer dollars going toward building a giant space station. But it's fine, to the public Aether-1 was the "ISS," Internation Space Station. They thought we were up there playing with water droplets and matches, not that we were containing a threat from possibly killing humanity.
Anyways, Aether-1 blew up in 2001. That's when some earth theories got stirred up. There was some sort of containment breach and the best solution was self-destruction. The whole research team was dead not even an hour after the containment breach. But we don't have to worry about that. Aether-1 was a shit box, tiny. Now here we are today, on Aether-2. Practically a massive fucking space cruise ship. Feel lucky that you are where you are today because we're the best the world's got. Don't let anyone else from crew quarters view this email so please remember to LOCK YOUR COMPUTER and DO NOT SHARE PASSWORDS!!! And thank you for not acting like children.
Edit from Jan Cossix at [16:32, 1 week ago]: Sorry about the strong language in this email, HR just asked me to apologize. I wrote it before I had my morning coffee and the idiots down at financing keep contacting me to check every god damn expense. I mean it's a space station the size of Rhode Island and they're worried about spending too much on q-tips?? Anyways sorry guys, have a nice day. And whoever complained to HR I will find you. (If HR is reading this edit that's a joke)
To: Sahar Cohen, StarBoard President
From: Hailey Watson, Senior Research Manager
Subject: I Order You to Stop
11/3/37
I received another forum from resource management today requesting the start of human testing in relation to the Cystiods. And I denied it. Just like the previous three. This wasn't any normal research permission request, it was very hard to read, was very hard to piece together, and was intentionally confusing. But buried deep within it, sure enough, somebody is asking for permission for me to sign off on exposing people from my own crew to the most volatile and dangerous anomalous material that humanity has ever studied. Tests like these are why people die. It's why Aether-1 is now a singed graveyard of space trash.
But this most recent forum wasn't made by the director of resource management. It was signed by you. What are you doing? You have a whole company to run. Is this really that important? Because whatever playing with these lives uncovers won't be worth it, it will only make things worse, Mr. Cohen. You are staring up at a Lovecraftian abyss and asking yourself "I wonder how I can use this to impress stockholders."
If I receive any more of these unethical requests then I will quit, or you'll have to fire me, or hell maybe you'll have to assassinate me because I know you will not let anything stand in your way between you and your greed. So I won't stand in the way. But I won't aid the destruction of humanity. If you want to kill people then get someone else to fucking do it.
To: Hailey Watson, Senior Research Manager
From: StarBoard
Subject: Employment Terms
11/6/37
Hello, Hailey Watson! We regret to inform you that your employment here on Aether-2 has been
terminated under breach of contract. You will receive your last paycheck on October 7th. A ship
heading earthbound will be available to take you home soonest on October 29th. Thank you for
working with us, and remember, reach for the stars!
To: Alex Girilly, Lab Security Officer
From: Tina Carters, IT Technician
Subject: Keeping in touch
11/7/37
I am currently writing to you after reporting seven individuals to security for tampering with official starboard property. So I feel super cool but people are dumb. It makes your IT job feel a little less important when most days you're just delegated to telling idiots "hey, maybe don't do that to the expensive technology." (Feeling unimportant in an IT job? Wow! Who knew!) Anyways there was a massive panic today because when people forcefully remove their ID bracelets it notifies the employee tracking server that their life signs are flat-lining and they have immediately died. So I was just sitting at my desk enjoying some pizza that Josh brought in for the department (I know you hate him but he's cool with the free food) when all a sudden my terminal is screaming at me because seven crew members had mysteriously died during dinner. I wasn't too worried because I figured someone was just teaching people how to force the release mechanism and I was 100% very correct. You can praise me for how smart I am in your next email. Turns out some gentlemen in the executive suites were teaching each other how to jam a fork in the release during dinner. So I got to waltz up to the poshest part of the ship and talk down to some rich bastards about bending forks and then refasten their bracelets. You should've been there. It removed every single possible burden of working IT. So, I was important today. It felt nice. Wish there were more days like this. Nobody really talks at work, not for any actual reason, it's just kind of the rule in IT. But today I certainly talked a lot.
You doing good? You forgot to write back the last couple of nights so I'm assuming you're busy. Hope it's more than the lab workers needing someone around to open various difficult jars. But yeah, you're probably doing amazing work. I saved you a slice of pizza from work. Vegan space cheese. Actually delicious. Say what you will about space living but the chefs here know their shit.
I might be paranoid but I feel like things are a little weird between us right now. But it's also getting really late and I'm probably a little too tired to be writing rant emails. I haven't heard from you for a while. Write back.
P.S. I've been needing to borrow more conditioner from you. So, ha.
From: Alex Girilly, Lab Security Officer
Subject: Sorry
11/8/37
Hey here's me writing back. I'm glad work is good. It makes me happy to hear that someone's been making sure you've been eating, even if it is Josh. Work has indeed been busy. Our research manager got fired again. So now the next guy in the chain of command is some balding guy named Doctor Henrox. Anytime there's a new research manager things get busy. Everything has to adjust to how Doctor Henrox wants things done, and he sure does want things done. Apparently, he's straight from the Board. If that's true then he's pretty unintimidating for a Board member. He's not as aloof as I'd expect him to be, in fact, he's pretty soft-spoken. I'm gonna miss Watson though. I would've thought Doctor Cossix would've been fired. She's just one big loose cannon, but I guess the labs haven't exploded yet so she's doing a good job at that.
I haven't been getting back to you consistently and I'm sorry. It hasn't just been because I've been busy. Things are kinda weird.
Down on earth, there's a man waiting to get married to be, Tina. I feel like we have to face that fact sometimes. Ground us.
Do you know how amazing it was meeting you for the first time on this ship? It was just a miracle. We were much much younger but you were the reason I was able to make it through high school at all. Now, on this leviathan among the stars, I get to meet you all over again. I know you don't like to praise Aether because it's a "testimate to rich people's reach." But it was beautiful for me. Every kid dreams of going to space, and there are always days here that get my inner-child excited. I got to live on a spaceship with a view of the stars, and when I reached the heavens I found my favorite person waiting for me. You don't know how perfect that was. Tina you are amazing.
But I can't spend my life just trying to feel young again. I've made a plan for my life, and I'm so sorry you weren't there at the right time to be apart of it.
I want to make sure you're okay. I'll write back more, and you are a very very very smart girl.
P.S. I'll get you your conditioner, silly.
From: Jan Cossix, Senior Lab Manager
Subject: !!!MUST READ!!! TO ALL UNINFORMED LAB TECHNICIANS
10/21/37
I never wanted to be the one who had to inform EVERYONE on the research team, but apparently the people in resource management are busier than the SENIOR LAB MANAGER OF A FUCKING FIVE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLAR SPACE STATION. You CAN NOT share this email with anyone other than your lab team. And I don't know how anyone possibly could, but absolutely do not share this information with anyone on earth. We do not need the CIA or KGB covering our asses. Just be professional.
This is not a personal email, I do not love any of you nearly enough to be sending out personal emails. This email's purpose is quite honestly, fucking useless. But a lot of lab employees keep asking about confidential information and the StarBoard Directors ain't budging. However, as Senior Lab Manager it is fully within my power to tell them to shove one up their ass and to INFORM my OWN employees. Information that is, granted, as referred to as before, fucking useless. But here you go since you all are SOOOO curious. This is a brief history of government contact with our favorite alien, the Cystoids (y'know, the species this ENTIRE space station exists to study). And if anyone from the StarBoard is reading this, fuck you, maybe your resource managers should get their cronies to make a visual timeline or some shit.
So, 1950s Russians sent a satellite into space. But uh oh their big ball of metal got fucked on by Cystoids. They sent a manned ship up to the satellite, and every one of their cosmonauts died.
The Americans got their taste of the Cysts when they sent their first manned mission for a spacewalk a few years after, and they died too.
The entire space race of the 1960s was mostly comprised of sending men into space for some alien slugs to kill them, and then pretending for the public that absolutely nothing was wrong. The public didn't even have the slightest clue that non-terrestrial beings had been discovered until the 1970s when the Soviets and Americans teamed up to build Aether-1. The first space station was created to contain Cystoids. Turns out it's hard to hide billions of taxpayer dollars going toward building a giant space station. But it's fine, to the public Aether-1 was the "ISS," Internation Space Station. They thought we were up there playing with water droplets and matches, not that we were containing a threat from possibly killing humanity.
Anyways, Aether-1 blew up in 2001. That's when some earth theories got stirred up. There was some sort of containment breach and the best solution was self-destruction. The whole research team was dead not even an hour after the containment breach. But we don't have to worry about that. Aether-1 was a shit box, tiny. Now here we are today, on Aether-2. Practically a massive fucking space cruise ship. Feel lucky that you are where you are today because we're the best the world's got. Don't let anyone else from crew quarters view this email so please remember to LOCK YOUR COMPUTER and DO NOT SHARE PASSWORDS!!! And thank you for not acting like children.
Edit from Jan Cossix at [16:32, 1 week ago]: Sorry about the strong language in this email, HR just asked me to apologize. I wrote it before I had my morning coffee and the idiots down at financing keep contacting me to check every god damn expense. I mean it's a space station the size of Rhode Island and they're worried about spending too much on q-tips?? Anyways sorry guys, have a nice day. And whoever complained to HR I will find you. (If HR is reading this edit that's a joke)
==========================================================================================
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==========================================================================================
To: Sahar Cohen, StarBoard President
From: Hailey Watson, Senior Research Manager
Subject: I Order You to Stop
11/3/37
I received another forum from resource management today requesting the start of human testing in relation to the Cystiods. And I denied it. Just like the previous three. This wasn't any normal research permission request, it was very hard to read, was very hard to piece together, and was intentionally confusing. But buried deep within it, sure enough, somebody is asking for permission for me to sign off on exposing people from my own crew to the most volatile and dangerous anomalous material that humanity has ever studied. Tests like these are why people die. It's why Aether-1 is now a singed graveyard of space trash.
But this most recent forum wasn't made by the director of resource management. It was signed by you. What are you doing? You have a whole company to run. Is this really that important? Because whatever playing with these lives uncovers won't be worth it, it will only make things worse, Mr. Cohen. You are staring up at a Lovecraftian abyss and asking yourself "I wonder how I can use this to impress stockholders."
If I receive any more of these unethical requests then I will quit, or you'll have to fire me, or hell maybe you'll have to assassinate me because I know you will not let anything stand in your way between you and your greed. So I won't stand in the way. But I won't aid the destruction of humanity. If you want to kill people then get someone else to fucking do it.
==========================================================================================
==========================================================================================
==========================================================================================
To: Hailey Watson, Senior Research Manager
From: StarBoard
Subject: Employment Terms
11/6/37
Hello, Hailey Watson! We regret to inform you that your employment here on Aether-2 has been
terminated under breach of contract. You will receive your last paycheck on October 7th. A ship
heading earthbound will be available to take you home soonest on October 29th. Thank you for
working with us, and remember, reach for the stars!
==========================================================================================
==========================================================================================
==========================================================================================
To: Alex Girilly, Lab Security Officer
From: Tina Carters, IT Technician
Subject: Keeping in touch
11/7/37
I am currently writing to you after reporting seven individuals to security for tampering with official starboard property. So I feel super cool but people are dumb. It makes your IT job feel a little less important when most days you're just delegated to telling idiots "hey, maybe don't do that to the expensive technology." (Feeling unimportant in an IT job? Wow! Who knew!) Anyways there was a massive panic today because when people forcefully remove their ID bracelets it notifies the employee tracking server that their life signs are flat-lining and they have immediately died. So I was just sitting at my desk enjoying some pizza that Josh brought in for the department (I know you hate him but he's cool with the free food) when all a sudden my terminal is screaming at me because seven crew members had mysteriously died during dinner. I wasn't too worried because I figured someone was just teaching people how to force the release mechanism and I was 100% very correct. You can praise me for how smart I am in your next email. Turns out some gentlemen in the executive suites were teaching each other how to jam a fork in the release during dinner. So I got to waltz up to the poshest part of the ship and talk down to some rich bastards about bending forks and then refasten their bracelets. You should've been there. It removed every single possible burden of working IT. So, I was important today. It felt nice. Wish there were more days like this. Nobody really talks at work, not for any actual reason, it's just kind of the rule in IT. But today I certainly talked a lot.
You doing good? You forgot to write back the last couple of nights so I'm assuming you're busy. Hope it's more than the lab workers needing someone around to open various difficult jars. But yeah, you're probably doing amazing work. I saved you a slice of pizza from work. Vegan space cheese. Actually delicious. Say what you will about space living but the chefs here know their shit.
I might be paranoid but I feel like things are a little weird between us right now. But it's also getting really late and I'm probably a little too tired to be writing rant emails. I haven't heard from you for a while. Write back.
P.S. I've been needing to borrow more conditioner from you. So, ha.
==========================================================================================
==========================================================================================
To: Tina Carters, IT Technician==========================================================================================
From: Alex Girilly, Lab Security Officer
Subject: Sorry
11/8/37
Hey here's me writing back. I'm glad work is good. It makes me happy to hear that someone's been making sure you've been eating, even if it is Josh. Work has indeed been busy. Our research manager got fired again. So now the next guy in the chain of command is some balding guy named Doctor Henrox. Anytime there's a new research manager things get busy. Everything has to adjust to how Doctor Henrox wants things done, and he sure does want things done. Apparently, he's straight from the Board. If that's true then he's pretty unintimidating for a Board member. He's not as aloof as I'd expect him to be, in fact, he's pretty soft-spoken. I'm gonna miss Watson though. I would've thought Doctor Cossix would've been fired. She's just one big loose cannon, but I guess the labs haven't exploded yet so she's doing a good job at that.
I haven't been getting back to you consistently and I'm sorry. It hasn't just been because I've been busy. Things are kinda weird.
Down on earth, there's a man waiting to get married to be, Tina. I feel like we have to face that fact sometimes. Ground us.
Do you know how amazing it was meeting you for the first time on this ship? It was just a miracle. We were much much younger but you were the reason I was able to make it through high school at all. Now, on this leviathan among the stars, I get to meet you all over again. I know you don't like to praise Aether because it's a "testimate to rich people's reach." But it was beautiful for me. Every kid dreams of going to space, and there are always days here that get my inner-child excited. I got to live on a spaceship with a view of the stars, and when I reached the heavens I found my favorite person waiting for me. You don't know how perfect that was. Tina you are amazing.
But I can't spend my life just trying to feel young again. I've made a plan for my life, and I'm so sorry you weren't there at the right time to be apart of it.
I want to make sure you're okay. I'll write back more, and you are a very very very smart girl.
P.S. I'll get you your conditioner, silly.
Last edited: