The most creative kill or as I like to call it the BTK, Best Thought of Kill.
Within particular circles a renowned award and for some, amongst which I consider myself to be, even the equivalent for the Nobel-prize or the Oscars.
To be considered as a nominee, that's one of the greatest honours in itself, and well - I do like to think that I am a connoisseur for these fine arts, it's.. mhh- thrilling!
Instead of delicately slewing a glass of wine to ogle at its streaking viscosity or sniffling on a piece of fungi lined camembert, I delve into a much more rousing topic.
You see, I believe.. everything has an expiration date and at some point, if left unattended for too long most things will go bad - I mean sure, occasionally you'll have delicacies like fine single malt scotch which when given enough time and care will become tenfold it's quality.
But for most and especially humans, we should be savoured only to the point of fruition, after all you wouldn't eat an apple which began to mitre, would you?
Pluck out the overripened so their mould won't spread on the young - we apply these kinds of concepts in all sorts of agriculture.
Now- I believe I am going off topic here, let me tell you why I have been nominated this year - THIS, this is something I am very proud of!
Usually, I do not tend to go overboard - I am a humble man, but this time, I managed to get three at once! What a thrill, three, I mean consider that a personal record but- here let's not get off topic again.
So, I have found a fascination with the human body, how stringy and resilient the tissue of our muscle is, and I have come to this idea; why do I not prep a body in a more alluring way?
I know - I know, you are already tempted, the build-up of this, it's even getting to me, I am feeling all fuzzy while I am writing this story, but please! Don't skip forward.
Alright, so I started with a fairly fresh corpse, I most often find it's easiest to operate after approximately 48 hours at which point rigor mortis has already begun to relax and the meat is still fairly fresh, hygiene and all.
Facial adjustments - step one, easily the most intricate part, make an incision under the ear and bring it down to the lips, now open up the jaw and stitch the loose skin onto the cheekbone, rinse and repeat for the jawline, such a big smile.
Flare the eyes open, for some reason they kept closing - so I used toothpicks to keep them apart, then you stitch the eyelids onto the sockets, right under the brow and above the nasal duct.
By the neck I hoisted the subject onto a stainless-steel frame - If I could explain for you to visualize, imagine the mounted hang-up of an anatomical skeleton, the same models they use for teaching medicine.
All set and done, throw a white tarp over it and let the plan commence!
I grabbed hold of my axe, I know, quite a primitive tool - who uses an axe nowadays? What an amateur? Well, I am a nominee, not you!
Anyways, I grabbed hold of my axe, rolled the silhouetted figure into the examination hall - If I failed to mention it before, I work as a tutor in an university, but that's not important.
I hid behind the lectern and waited patiently, three students waltzed in, I didn't expect that many, but how goes the saying? "Always deliver more than expected."
I waited, peering over the wooden pulpit, then the grand reveal!
Once the tarp was pulled off a shock flushed their faces - the irritated students did not know how to react to this, was this a sick prank?
My fists clenched around the slick wooden handle - I jumped forward, the axe looming in the air above myself, the fleeting expression of horror when they saw their professor charging at them with a weapon!
But at this point I would like to touch a bit on the fight or flight mechanism.
I believe we are often prone to running, it's quite a primal operation which originates from our brain stem and cerebellum, if faced with overwhelming odds our so-called lizard brain will take over and send us either to fight or flight.
It's an interesting reaction to say the least and happens to all of us.
But- I am getting off topic again, sorry.
So, I proceeded to effortlessly cut them down - it was quite a messy ordeal, but I believe, we all need a certain work-out some time, get our heart pumping to ensure a long and safe life.
Anyways, thank you for listening and I hope you found some pleasure in the intricate details of my work!
Your truly, The Professor.
Within particular circles a renowned award and for some, amongst which I consider myself to be, even the equivalent for the Nobel-prize or the Oscars.
To be considered as a nominee, that's one of the greatest honours in itself, and well - I do like to think that I am a connoisseur for these fine arts, it's.. mhh- thrilling!
Instead of delicately slewing a glass of wine to ogle at its streaking viscosity or sniffling on a piece of fungi lined camembert, I delve into a much more rousing topic.
You see, I believe.. everything has an expiration date and at some point, if left unattended for too long most things will go bad - I mean sure, occasionally you'll have delicacies like fine single malt scotch which when given enough time and care will become tenfold it's quality.
But for most and especially humans, we should be savoured only to the point of fruition, after all you wouldn't eat an apple which began to mitre, would you?
Pluck out the overripened so their mould won't spread on the young - we apply these kinds of concepts in all sorts of agriculture.
Now- I believe I am going off topic here, let me tell you why I have been nominated this year - THIS, this is something I am very proud of!
Usually, I do not tend to go overboard - I am a humble man, but this time, I managed to get three at once! What a thrill, three, I mean consider that a personal record but- here let's not get off topic again.
So, I have found a fascination with the human body, how stringy and resilient the tissue of our muscle is, and I have come to this idea; why do I not prep a body in a more alluring way?
I know - I know, you are already tempted, the build-up of this, it's even getting to me, I am feeling all fuzzy while I am writing this story, but please! Don't skip forward.
Alright, so I started with a fairly fresh corpse, I most often find it's easiest to operate after approximately 48 hours at which point rigor mortis has already begun to relax and the meat is still fairly fresh, hygiene and all.
Facial adjustments - step one, easily the most intricate part, make an incision under the ear and bring it down to the lips, now open up the jaw and stitch the loose skin onto the cheekbone, rinse and repeat for the jawline, such a big smile.
Flare the eyes open, for some reason they kept closing - so I used toothpicks to keep them apart, then you stitch the eyelids onto the sockets, right under the brow and above the nasal duct.
By the neck I hoisted the subject onto a stainless-steel frame - If I could explain for you to visualize, imagine the mounted hang-up of an anatomical skeleton, the same models they use for teaching medicine.
All set and done, throw a white tarp over it and let the plan commence!
I grabbed hold of my axe, I know, quite a primitive tool - who uses an axe nowadays? What an amateur? Well, I am a nominee, not you!
Anyways, I grabbed hold of my axe, rolled the silhouetted figure into the examination hall - If I failed to mention it before, I work as a tutor in an university, but that's not important.
I hid behind the lectern and waited patiently, three students waltzed in, I didn't expect that many, but how goes the saying? "Always deliver more than expected."
I waited, peering over the wooden pulpit, then the grand reveal!
Once the tarp was pulled off a shock flushed their faces - the irritated students did not know how to react to this, was this a sick prank?
My fists clenched around the slick wooden handle - I jumped forward, the axe looming in the air above myself, the fleeting expression of horror when they saw their professor charging at them with a weapon!
But at this point I would like to touch a bit on the fight or flight mechanism.
I believe we are often prone to running, it's quite a primal operation which originates from our brain stem and cerebellum, if faced with overwhelming odds our so-called lizard brain will take over and send us either to fight or flight.
It's an interesting reaction to say the least and happens to all of us.
But- I am getting off topic again, sorry.
So, I proceeded to effortlessly cut them down - it was quite a messy ordeal, but I believe, we all need a certain work-out some time, get our heart pumping to ensure a long and safe life.
Anyways, thank you for listening and I hope you found some pleasure in the intricate details of my work!
Your truly, The Professor.
Last edited: