TheMoonAuthoress
Count
One step. One more, and another… One more. One more. One more, for my sunshine.
Anita Ekeblad took a deep breath, and another one, and a third while climbing the three stone steps up to the front door into the school building. In. Out. In. Out. Each breath followed by a stiff step. Forward. Forward.
For my sunshine.
"Granny!!" The sunshine, a six years old girl, Mrs. Ekeblad's granddaughter Mina, literally crashed into her granny with her over enthusiastic exuberant energy. Mrs. Ekeblad, who's usually used to it, almost fell over by the force of her granddaughter's loving hug in her current absent condition. She wasn't herself at the moment, and it was not because of Mina's hug she barely could breath. No, it was this room. The building. The whole area. It was full of ghosts and bad memories. Sad, painful and dark ones, for her.
Mrs. Ekeblad swallowed and tried to smile cheerful down at the excited girl. She gave a soft laugh, she hoped or was it nervous?
"Mina, my dear, I'm sorry if I'm late", Mrs. Ekeblad said and patted the girl's brown hair head. Excited that her favorite person has finally arrived, her granddaughter barely notices her grandmother's stiff posture and half-hearted smile.
"You came! You came! You must see where I sit!" Mina grabs her old scared hand in her tiny ones and pulled her towards the windows.
Odd, and astonishing, how one place could be one's former prison, while it was someone else's new heaven. Mina loved her school. Loved learning. Loved her school friends and her teacher. She loved everything about this place, while her grandmother, Mrs. Ekeblad dreaded it. Disliked, no she would even say hated, every little blade of grass and gravel in the driveway. Every plank and nail in the facade. Every window, wall, door. It didn't matter that the building had been painted sunny yellow instead of the horrible rusty red, or that the walls inside was white with colorful drawings by the children or inspirational plans for them, instead of sickly green. All the dull staring paintings were replaced by lively nature pictures or happy school classes. No tight smiles, dead eyes or sad ones. The playground outside had been remodeled, become bigger, more colorful and significantly more fun than the crappy one they had. A new football field and a larger sandbox had also been added.
Mina chattered and pointed to everything in her classroom. Here was her seat by the window. Over there was books they could read, and if the book they wanted to read wasn't there, they could always go to the library three rooms away. There was all the coloring books, crayons, markers, watercolors and so on and, the dining room and the gymnasium hall where she danced every Thursday, and so forth. Mrs. Ekeblad listened, eyes trying to take in all the colorful and inviting things, but her gaze drifted over and over to the wall on the other side of the classroom. The wall where her seat had been next to, in the same classroom. The wall she'd wanted to be a part of the wood every time the teacher's falcon eyes swept over in her direction. The dining room had been two rooms down the hall, not in a new expansion of the house. She couldn't even manage to look at the gymnastics hall outside. There had previously been another house, where Magister Barrow had hit them on their fingers with his cane if they didn't read the words correctly from the reading book. To this day, Mrs. Ekeblad couldn't pronounce the words correctly, something Mina didn't mind when her grandmother read aloud to her.
Today it didn't matter. The children jumped between languages and dialects freely. No cane over the fingers. No blows over the ears or cheeks. Her granddaughter had no clue how lucky she was, and Mrs. Ekeblad was happy for her. She hoped, no prayed for Mina that she would never experience the same schooling she had.
"It is strange, isn't it, to be back?" Someone said to her left. Mrs. Ekeblad woke up from her inner dark demons and looked up to find a somewhat familiar face.
"Lo-Lo? Linderlo Bensson?" Mrs. Ekeblad smiled surprised, but friendly. Lo-Lo, the little one, who not only had to endure the other boys' fists and more blows to the fingers than she did from the magister, but also worse abuse from one of the teachers. He wasn't so little anymore now, tall but still just as skinny. Mr. Bensson gave her a kind but sad smile, just as sad as his eyes always had been.
"Yes, it's me. Tho I haven't been called Lo-Lo in decades."
Mrs. Ekeblad smiled mildly back, but the sadness was also there.
"I never thought I'd be back here. This place… never return to…"
"Return to school, hmm, no me neither." Bensson filled in. "So… why are you here?"
"It's my granddaughter's school now. I'm here for her and…"
"To look the devil in the eye?" Bensson suggested.
"Yes… I guess you could say so. I wanted to see if I could return. Come back and not flee by the mere sight of the place."
"You did well, to even step inside the classroom", Bensson praised her.
"You too, must be as hard for you?"
"Probably, but I won my battle against the devil and my demons long ago. I'm here for my grandson."
Bensson pointed to a little freckled boy at the other end of the classroom. He reminded a lot of how Bensson had looked all those years ago, except his grandson seemed to have many friends in his class. Mina too, and it pleased them both to see their grandchildren being happy and cheerful with an eagerness to learn. No fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, or of being punished. No cane.
"I'm happy for them. They have what we never had."
"Yes, and hopefully another child will never have to return here, with the same fear like ours. May all holidays be enjoyed and all term starts be looking forward to."
Mrs. Ekeblad chuckled softly. "Yes, until they turn into teeangers and find it dreadful, only longing for the holidays again."
Bensson laughed with her in agreement and they watched their grandchildren who at the moment was tinkering by a table with their parents and a teacher.
"Did you ever tell anyone… about… our history here?" Mrs. Ekeblad asked gingerly.
"Our history…. yes. A few. I told the journalist last year, but asked them to leave out my name."
Someone had finally opened up about the abuse and violence that had gone on over the years back in the days, which had made a big headline in the newspaper last year. Anita Ekeblad had not contributed, even hung up the phone when they'd called her. She hadn't been able to tear open the wounds again. Seeing the article in the newspaper had been hard enough afterwards. Despite the positives that came with it. The school's renovation and reconstruction.
"That was brave of you", she said gently to Mr. Bensson.
The hard knot in her stomach had softened somewhat and she found the air easier to breathe. The moment she'd feared hadn't been so completely crippling and horrible after all, only those first steps. Tough, but she had managed to get there. Crossed the threshold and stepped into what had been the abyss but now instead was seen as... something better after all. She had found an old acquaintance, even a friend and the day had ended with a smile for her granddaughter. Returning to her old school had proved hard and upsetting, but a little healing too for the old scars in her heart and soul. The scars on her hands would always be visible. It would however not stop her from returning and picking up her granddaughter after her school day was over. It was still the school, but not her dreadful one, not really anymore. Not for Mina, and Mrs. Ekeblad would do anything for her granddaugher.
For my sunshine.
Anita Ekeblad took a deep breath, and another one, and a third while climbing the three stone steps up to the front door into the school building. In. Out. In. Out. Each breath followed by a stiff step. Forward. Forward.
For my sunshine.
"Granny!!" The sunshine, a six years old girl, Mrs. Ekeblad's granddaughter Mina, literally crashed into her granny with her over enthusiastic exuberant energy. Mrs. Ekeblad, who's usually used to it, almost fell over by the force of her granddaughter's loving hug in her current absent condition. She wasn't herself at the moment, and it was not because of Mina's hug she barely could breath. No, it was this room. The building. The whole area. It was full of ghosts and bad memories. Sad, painful and dark ones, for her.
Mrs. Ekeblad swallowed and tried to smile cheerful down at the excited girl. She gave a soft laugh, she hoped or was it nervous?
"Mina, my dear, I'm sorry if I'm late", Mrs. Ekeblad said and patted the girl's brown hair head. Excited that her favorite person has finally arrived, her granddaughter barely notices her grandmother's stiff posture and half-hearted smile.
"You came! You came! You must see where I sit!" Mina grabs her old scared hand in her tiny ones and pulled her towards the windows.
Odd, and astonishing, how one place could be one's former prison, while it was someone else's new heaven. Mina loved her school. Loved learning. Loved her school friends and her teacher. She loved everything about this place, while her grandmother, Mrs. Ekeblad dreaded it. Disliked, no she would even say hated, every little blade of grass and gravel in the driveway. Every plank and nail in the facade. Every window, wall, door. It didn't matter that the building had been painted sunny yellow instead of the horrible rusty red, or that the walls inside was white with colorful drawings by the children or inspirational plans for them, instead of sickly green. All the dull staring paintings were replaced by lively nature pictures or happy school classes. No tight smiles, dead eyes or sad ones. The playground outside had been remodeled, become bigger, more colorful and significantly more fun than the crappy one they had. A new football field and a larger sandbox had also been added.
Mina chattered and pointed to everything in her classroom. Here was her seat by the window. Over there was books they could read, and if the book they wanted to read wasn't there, they could always go to the library three rooms away. There was all the coloring books, crayons, markers, watercolors and so on and, the dining room and the gymnasium hall where she danced every Thursday, and so forth. Mrs. Ekeblad listened, eyes trying to take in all the colorful and inviting things, but her gaze drifted over and over to the wall on the other side of the classroom. The wall where her seat had been next to, in the same classroom. The wall she'd wanted to be a part of the wood every time the teacher's falcon eyes swept over in her direction. The dining room had been two rooms down the hall, not in a new expansion of the house. She couldn't even manage to look at the gymnastics hall outside. There had previously been another house, where Magister Barrow had hit them on their fingers with his cane if they didn't read the words correctly from the reading book. To this day, Mrs. Ekeblad couldn't pronounce the words correctly, something Mina didn't mind when her grandmother read aloud to her.
Today it didn't matter. The children jumped between languages and dialects freely. No cane over the fingers. No blows over the ears or cheeks. Her granddaughter had no clue how lucky she was, and Mrs. Ekeblad was happy for her. She hoped, no prayed for Mina that she would never experience the same schooling she had.
"It is strange, isn't it, to be back?" Someone said to her left. Mrs. Ekeblad woke up from her inner dark demons and looked up to find a somewhat familiar face.
"Lo-Lo? Linderlo Bensson?" Mrs. Ekeblad smiled surprised, but friendly. Lo-Lo, the little one, who not only had to endure the other boys' fists and more blows to the fingers than she did from the magister, but also worse abuse from one of the teachers. He wasn't so little anymore now, tall but still just as skinny. Mr. Bensson gave her a kind but sad smile, just as sad as his eyes always had been.
"Yes, it's me. Tho I haven't been called Lo-Lo in decades."
Mrs. Ekeblad smiled mildly back, but the sadness was also there.
"I never thought I'd be back here. This place… never return to…"
"Return to school, hmm, no me neither." Bensson filled in. "So… why are you here?"
"It's my granddaughter's school now. I'm here for her and…"
"To look the devil in the eye?" Bensson suggested.
"Yes… I guess you could say so. I wanted to see if I could return. Come back and not flee by the mere sight of the place."
"You did well, to even step inside the classroom", Bensson praised her.
"You too, must be as hard for you?"
"Probably, but I won my battle against the devil and my demons long ago. I'm here for my grandson."
Bensson pointed to a little freckled boy at the other end of the classroom. He reminded a lot of how Bensson had looked all those years ago, except his grandson seemed to have many friends in his class. Mina too, and it pleased them both to see their grandchildren being happy and cheerful with an eagerness to learn. No fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, or of being punished. No cane.
"I'm happy for them. They have what we never had."
"Yes, and hopefully another child will never have to return here, with the same fear like ours. May all holidays be enjoyed and all term starts be looking forward to."
Mrs. Ekeblad chuckled softly. "Yes, until they turn into teeangers and find it dreadful, only longing for the holidays again."
Bensson laughed with her in agreement and they watched their grandchildren who at the moment was tinkering by a table with their parents and a teacher.
"Did you ever tell anyone… about… our history here?" Mrs. Ekeblad asked gingerly.
"Our history…. yes. A few. I told the journalist last year, but asked them to leave out my name."
Someone had finally opened up about the abuse and violence that had gone on over the years back in the days, which had made a big headline in the newspaper last year. Anita Ekeblad had not contributed, even hung up the phone when they'd called her. She hadn't been able to tear open the wounds again. Seeing the article in the newspaper had been hard enough afterwards. Despite the positives that came with it. The school's renovation and reconstruction.
"That was brave of you", she said gently to Mr. Bensson.
The hard knot in her stomach had softened somewhat and she found the air easier to breathe. The moment she'd feared hadn't been so completely crippling and horrible after all, only those first steps. Tough, but she had managed to get there. Crossed the threshold and stepped into what had been the abyss but now instead was seen as... something better after all. She had found an old acquaintance, even a friend and the day had ended with a smile for her granddaughter. Returning to her old school had proved hard and upsetting, but a little healing too for the old scars in her heart and soul. The scars on her hands would always be visible. It would however not stop her from returning and picking up her granddaughter after her school day was over. It was still the school, but not her dreadful one, not really anymore. Not for Mina, and Mrs. Ekeblad would do anything for her granddaugher.
For my sunshine.