.
.
Ahh yes, what better question to pose to the tent Babushka than one so vague and vulnerable?
"Path of life, child, is no easy answer, yes?" Brünnhilde replied, suddenly noticing the toppled candles and adjusting them.
"The life, it go this way, then that way, then over the hill or into pond where you find bunch of little shit fae ducks and then they in cart and eating all of bread and now they in tent and they shit all over table cloth."
As if to punctuate her sentence, one of the culprits nearby gave a (very annoyingly cute)
quack! and she thrust herself forward to cover as much of the table with her arms lest the mischief maker attempt to hop onto it. She watched it waddle away with a resentful side-eye.
"But, if it helps with all of this," she said, again making the awful worried expression and gesturing wildly at the girl's face,
"Then old Brünnhilde do read for you, ok?"
Rising from her chair, which again was unfortunately not very obvious since she remained at more or less the same height, the teller spread her arms and the small semi circle of misshapen candles on her table burst into flame, casting a host of rather unflattering shadows onto her face. What the customer may not have known is that had the candles been properly maintained, the shadows would have actually been very flattering, but that is neither here nor there for the purposes of this story (although she strongly suspected the metal-headed buffoon of meddling with them and using them in some unsavoury way). One of them, a short, stumpy thing with large lumps of wax melting into the table, flickered out. Shooting a pointed glare between it and the tent entrance, Brünnhilde jumped down from the chair and began to rummage through a storage chest next to her table, mumbling angrily about something to do with
drafts and
flaps. Before long she was back up on the chair, this time with a crumpled matchbook.
"Come, come, give to me." She said, lighting the candle manually and leaning so much over the table that she was practically laying on it, her short legs hanging over the side (her torso was, as expected, very short so she needed to close the distance extensively).
"No, child! Not that!" She grumbled, slapping away the hand that was offered,
"The elbow! I must read the weenus."
Said so simply and as a matter of fact, like it were the most obvious thing in the world, the customer might have felt compelled to comply, albeit with much confusion.
What proceeded may not be fit to record in the annals of this event, what with the chanting, involuntary bodily convulsions, and weenus fondling, but at the end of it the teller slunk back into her seat, mopping her brow with the ends of her violet shawl.
"Aye! Please forgive, dear one, Aunt Brü not young matryoshka any more, eh?" She cackled to herself, settling the little bells along her shawl jingling joyfully,
"But, the elbow, it speak to Brü. The folds, the stretch, all saying very much."
Brünnhilde sat back in her chair and reached into the front of her dress, rummaging around near her cleavage before pulling out a long smoking pipe with a triumphant grin. While packing and lighting it, she continued, but with a more mumbled and conversational tone as if she were speaking more to herself,
"So unsettled, young one, temporarily everywhere, aye aye. Look at those feet! So obvious, never sleeping same place twice. Always running, running, from danger, responsibility, maybe love. Probably bullets."
She paused, lighting her pipe and taking a long pull while sinking further down into her seat and blowing smoke through her nostrils. Soon, she was merely a head poking up from the table. Lazily waving her hand around, mumbling another strange chant under her breath, the smoke swirled and danced above them, painting a picture only the woman could understand.
"As to where you go, moushka, hmmm, not where you plan, no? You on path that start sensible, and you end very far away. Very, very far. Like, with bad food and no signal."
A loud
pop! proceeded by a burst of candyfloss-coloured cloudburst announced the arrival of a fae duck, the same one as before, on the teller's table. It waddled to the edge, studied the mellowed Brünnhilde for a moment, then jumped foward, landing on the the woman's head. Brünnhilde gave a long-suffering sigh, exhaling a stream of smoke as she did so, as the fae duck ungracefully scrambled down to settle comfortably on the woman's ample bosom.
"And this you do, young one, all because of love, ya?"
A warmth had seeped into her tone now, and she gave the fae duck, now dozing on it's new comfortable perch, an affectionate pat with her free hand.
"Love not drive, no no, it grab wheel. It press gas and hurtle you forward, screaming and wishing you can get off ride and not die. You can't even ask direction because love likes get lost on purpose. Very annoying and inconvenient, no?"
Above the fortune teller's table, the stout head peeked just above it with the haze of smoke swirling above it like a brewing storm.
"Moushka, you cannot get off ride now. And even if you did, love would follow. It run with you. And is okay! You can run with love. You can hold hands with love, too, make falling less lonely, no? But remember," the teller added, wagging a finger at the girl and then making a zig-zag pattern in the air,
"Don't run in straight line, ya? Always run this way that way. You confuse fate and then it gets tired and stop chasing. Also, if you see somebody running in straight line, do not trust them. They are too confident and fate will catch them. Or maybe they have the diarrhoea, I don't know."
She let silence fall across the table, just long enough that the customer might have assumed she'd fallen asleep, but with a little jerk of her bosom (which jostled the little fae duck and earned her a disgruntled
quack!) she gasped and said,
"Oh! One more thing. The weenus, it tell me you are lactose intolerant. Sorry Moushka, very sad. Now leave money here and go! Go, run! And remember, this way that way, ya?"
Brünnhilde dismissed the girl with a lazy wave of her hand, sinking even further down into her chair. One had to wonder, what exactly was in that pipe?