wine
Monarch
♔ Champion ♔
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- 761
Dearest love,
I've been dreaming about you for as long as I can remember. The movies and storybooks all portray happily ever after the same; I know exactly what you should look like, I know exactly what I should expect. We all play M.A.S.H. at recess and fantasize about the hypothetical lives the game suggests. Some have even gone so far as to plan out their ideal wedding, complete with playlists and seating chart. Truthfully, even I think it's a bit silly to take it that far, but what harm is there in dreaming?
I can't wait to meet you...to get to know you. I can't wait until we can spend our lives together, growing old hand in hand in our matching rockers on our wrap around porch. The farmhouse will be Bright White, and the kids and dogs will play out in the yard while the sun sets. It's picturesque. It's the American Dream.
Dreaming of you (with my whole heart),
A New Soul.
I've been dreaming about you for as long as I can remember. The movies and storybooks all portray happily ever after the same; I know exactly what you should look like, I know exactly what I should expect. We all play M.A.S.H. at recess and fantasize about the hypothetical lives the game suggests. Some have even gone so far as to plan out their ideal wedding, complete with playlists and seating chart. Truthfully, even I think it's a bit silly to take it that far, but what harm is there in dreaming?
I can't wait to meet you...to get to know you. I can't wait until we can spend our lives together, growing old hand in hand in our matching rockers on our wrap around porch. The farmhouse will be Bright White, and the kids and dogs will play out in the yard while the sun sets. It's picturesque. It's the American Dream.
Dreaming of you (with my whole heart),
A New Soul.
Fuck you love,
Ten times over.
I've found you and then lost you.. only to find you once more, and then lose you again. The process has been brutal, and threatens my optimism, though at my core- I know you exist. I'm not sure how I know, but I do.
There's something unnatural in the conditions, either spoken or implied, that have tainted every scenario with you which was believed to be unconditional though. I can't articulate the feeling well, but it does not sit right with me.
It's as if there's some disconnect between what I think you are and what I know you to be and often I find myself pondering if dreaming is as harmless as I'd imagined. My thought in your regard is to hoard you, hold you close, and reserve you for someone special, but inherently that feels wrong, and when I feed into such selfishness, it drains me. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go from here.
So, fuck you, love.
Disrespectfully,
A Tired Soul.
Ten times over.
I've found you and then lost you.. only to find you once more, and then lose you again. The process has been brutal, and threatens my optimism, though at my core- I know you exist. I'm not sure how I know, but I do.
There's something unnatural in the conditions, either spoken or implied, that have tainted every scenario with you which was believed to be unconditional though. I can't articulate the feeling well, but it does not sit right with me.
It's as if there's some disconnect between what I think you are and what I know you to be and often I find myself pondering if dreaming is as harmless as I'd imagined. My thought in your regard is to hoard you, hold you close, and reserve you for someone special, but inherently that feels wrong, and when I feed into such selfishness, it drains me. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go from here.
So, fuck you, love.
Disrespectfully,
A Tired Soul.
Love,
Such a simple emotion even a newborn can comprehend it, and yet we prefer to stretch it past recognition just so that we might call it complex and claim that we were once its victim.
Thank you for your patience, love. It's taken me quite a while to finally reach you, though I realize now that you have always been with me and that there has never been anyone to blame for your absence but myself.
It's humorous- to think about my formative and young adult years and recall the things that had seemed important then. I'd pigeonholed you, into such a specific box of action and thought that I couldn't recognize you in anything, and so I saw you in nothing. I can see so clearly now how heavy a hand I played in my continuous suffering, the comfort I not only found but sought out in the familiarity of my experiences.
I don't remember when exactly my perspective shifted, or at what moment I fully released the idea that in order to accept something as love it must present a certain way, but I do know the process has not been linear. Though again, I recognize that any stalling or regressions I've found myself to experience have been self-imposed.
I've ceased to search for you, but I know you know it's nothing personal. Rather, we see one another so abundantly in the mundane that little else exists. In the smile of a child on the street, in the kind words from a stranger behind a screen... in every version of me.
All the time I'd spent searching externally for you love, unconditional and true, only to realize the same love I sought- the only love that could fulfill me, has been within me all along. Talk about irony at its best.
With nothing but love,
A Whole Soul.
Such a simple emotion even a newborn can comprehend it, and yet we prefer to stretch it past recognition just so that we might call it complex and claim that we were once its victim.
Thank you for your patience, love. It's taken me quite a while to finally reach you, though I realize now that you have always been with me and that there has never been anyone to blame for your absence but myself.
It's humorous- to think about my formative and young adult years and recall the things that had seemed important then. I'd pigeonholed you, into such a specific box of action and thought that I couldn't recognize you in anything, and so I saw you in nothing. I can see so clearly now how heavy a hand I played in my continuous suffering, the comfort I not only found but sought out in the familiarity of my experiences.
I don't remember when exactly my perspective shifted, or at what moment I fully released the idea that in order to accept something as love it must present a certain way, but I do know the process has not been linear. Though again, I recognize that any stalling or regressions I've found myself to experience have been self-imposed.
I've ceased to search for you, but I know you know it's nothing personal. Rather, we see one another so abundantly in the mundane that little else exists. In the smile of a child on the street, in the kind words from a stranger behind a screen... in every version of me.
All the time I'd spent searching externally for you love, unconditional and true, only to realize the same love I sought- the only love that could fulfill me, has been within me all along. Talk about irony at its best.
With nothing but love,
A Whole Soul.
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