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The night air was thick with the scent of rain, and the streets glistened under the dim streetlights like some silly noire. I sat at the bar, nursing a half-empty bottle of whiskey, my fingers tracing the rim of the glass in front of me absentmindedly. The bartender gave me a sympathetic glance, but I barely noticed. My mind was a whirlwind of unflinching memories, each one more painful than the last.
I took another long swig, the burn of the liquor momentarily distracting me from the ache in my chest. "Wish I didn't give a shit," I muttered under my breath, echoing the refrain that had been playing on repeat in my head ever since she left.
It had all started so perfectly. She had walked into my life like a breath of fresh air, her laughter infectious and her smile brighter than the sun. We had spent countless nights together, losing ourselves in each other's company, the world outside fading into insignificance. I had let my guard down, allowed myself to be vulnerable for the first time in years. I let her in, and for a while, I was happier than I had ever been. I was a fool...
But then, as abruptly as she had entered my life, she was gone. No explanation, no goodbye. Just an empty space in my head and a void in my heart that seemed impossible to fill no matter what I tried to put there. I had heard through mutual friends that she had fallen in love with someone else, and the knowledge tore at me like a dull knife.
I drained the last of my whiskey and signaled the bartender for another. I wished it didn't hit me so hard, like the liquor I was drowning in night after night. I wished I could just move on, let her go, and return to the person I was before but she had turned this world upside down. And every time I closed my eyes, I saw her face, heard her laugh, felt her touch.
I replayed our conversations in my mind, searching for where it had all gone wrong. "If you're confused, don't hesitate. You know that I'm always by your side," I had told her once, believing that our bond was unbreakable. But now those words felt hollow, a cruel reminder of a promise that had been shattered. I was a fool.
"Win or lose, we won't sever ties. Anything to keep you in my life," I had whispered in the dead of night, holding her close. I had meant every word I shared with her, but it hadn't been enough. She had found someone else, and I was left behind again, trying to pick up the pieces of this broken heart once more. I was a fool.
The bar was starting to empty, the late hour chasing away the last of the patrons. I stared at my reflection in the mirror behind the bar, barely recognizing the man who looked back at me. He was a shadow of his former self, worn down by the weight of his sorrow. "Where did it all go wrong?" I wondered aloud, though I knew there would be no answer. The only certainty was the cold, hard truth that she was really gone, and I was alone again. I was a fool.
As the bartender started to clean up, I stood and fumbled for my wallet while doing my best to stay standing. I left a generous tip, despite the dwindling funds to be found in my account, and made the way to the door. The night air hit me like a slap, sobering me slightly against my will. I walked the familiar route back to my shitty apartment, the town around me nothing more than a blur.
Back in this small, lonely room, I collapsed onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I wished again I could stop caring, wished I could erase her from my mind. But the pain was a constant reminder that I had truly loved her, and that love was not something easily forgotten. I was a fool
When I finally closed my eyes and let out a long, shuddering breath that came with the sting of tears breaking free. Tomorrow, I would face yet another day without her. But tonight, I would let myself feel the hurt, let the tears fall. Because despite everything, despite the agony of her absence, I knew one thing for certain: I wished I didn't give a shit, but I did. And maybe, just maybe, that was okay. Or maybe I was nothing but a fool...