GremlinSage
๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐, ๐ง๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ฅ
Staff member
Herald
Inner Sanctum Nobility
โ Champion โ
- Local time
- Today 2:02 PM
- Messages
- 2,800
- Age
- 39
- Pronouns
- ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐๐๐
My Dearest Katarina,
I cannot begin to express how much I miss you. The floor around me littered with crumbled, frayed, and torn pieces of parchment in multitudes of failed attempts to apologize for my abhorrent behavior toward you. Outside my window, the world mocks me as rain whips against the panes, thunder rolling its laughter just above me, lightening illuminating the room in white hot flashes that bring me back to our own moments; hidden away behind closet doors or hidden rooms, for a few seconds of intimacy that I had never felt before in my life.
The expression on your beautiful face that evening still haunts me all these months later. In and out of dreams I remain haunted by the slight droop of your hands at your belly, the drop of your shoulders, the flicker of light extinguished in a split second. The laughter echoing around us with those who begin to mock you because of my own words.
Every replayed memory a blade tearing my heart into pieces.
My reputation, the expectations my family has of me, were at the forefront of my mind. It is my duty to find the best husband and provide him with children. To be the best wife to my husband and the best mother to my children. This was how I was raised, and where my hopes and self-expectations had been placed.
Yet the memory of that evening, the laughter that never ceases to echo in my ears, turned my entire ideal world onto its face, and those words had come too easily from my own tongue. Every meal set before me has gone bland and tasteless, books no longer hold my interest, my thoughts wandering further away from what I had once enjoyed.
I find myself staring past the window, past the streets littered with commoners who just live their day to day, past the trees that reach toward the sky to hold it up. Even when I feel it crushing me.
Yet here I stand, falling because of a regret eating at my heart.
I hope you can forgive my ignorance. The girl I was who did not understand why my heart ached so fondly for someone I should not want. Should you grace me with forgiveness, I will show you the woman who loves you dearly. Who will forsake her duties for one more second in your arms, because I finally understand the cost of a life without true love.
Not a day passes that I do not think of you. My beautiful Kat.
I cannot begin to express how much I miss you. The floor around me littered with crumbled, frayed, and torn pieces of parchment in multitudes of failed attempts to apologize for my abhorrent behavior toward you. Outside my window, the world mocks me as rain whips against the panes, thunder rolling its laughter just above me, lightening illuminating the room in white hot flashes that bring me back to our own moments; hidden away behind closet doors or hidden rooms, for a few seconds of intimacy that I had never felt before in my life.
The expression on your beautiful face that evening still haunts me all these months later. In and out of dreams I remain haunted by the slight droop of your hands at your belly, the drop of your shoulders, the flicker of light extinguished in a split second. The laughter echoing around us with those who begin to mock you because of my own words.
Every replayed memory a blade tearing my heart into pieces.
My reputation, the expectations my family has of me, were at the forefront of my mind. It is my duty to find the best husband and provide him with children. To be the best wife to my husband and the best mother to my children. This was how I was raised, and where my hopes and self-expectations had been placed.
I find myself staring past the window, past the streets littered with commoners who just live their day to day, past the trees that reach toward the sky to hold it up. Even when I feel it crushing me.
Yet here I stand, falling because of a regret eating at my heart.
I hope you can forgive my ignorance. The girl I was who did not understand why my heart ached so fondly for someone I should not want. Should you grace me with forgiveness, I will show you the woman who loves you dearly. Who will forsake her duties for one more second in your arms, because I finally understand the cost of a life without true love.
Not a day passes that I do not think of you. My beautiful Kat.
Yours, in affection and regret,
Evelyn Taylor
Evelyn Taylor