- Local time
- Tomorrow 12:38 AM
- Messages
- 96
Trigger Warning: Racist Innuendo, Racism, Speciesism, Swearing
Two folders thick with paper slammed against the table, followed by the screech of two chairs.
“Agent Ted Sparkle.”
“Agent Bob Glow.”
The two suits sat down, adjusted their ties, placed their badges on the table, pulled the squeaking chairs closer to the table. Their elbows hit the table at the same moment, and their lean over was unison. They held the silence like a hostage, until;
“You can stop the bullshit.”, Agent Ted said.
“Nobody likes your stupid bullshit.”
“We know what you are.”
“We know what you did.”
“So quit it.”
“You’re fucked.”
“Officially speaking yes, you’re fucked.”
“We’re talking about twenty, possibly fifty.”
“If the judge is nice.”
“If it’s not nice, you could serve it with a pineapple.”
“So don’t get fruity with us, asshole.”
“Pineapple stuffed in your ass, asshole.”
“The nice guys are gone now.”
“You disgust me.”
“So you better spill the beans.”
The agents kept a pause. Bob sipped from glass of water. Ted kept thinning his lips. They adjusted the black ties like clockwork.
“This is a talking game, pal. No Miranda isn’t going to save you here.”
“Miranda’s a dead bitch.”
“The thing is, we already know so you don’t have to talk.”
“But by keeping your mouth shut you just make it worse.”
“You’re digging yourself a hole.”
“All the way back to Mexico, hombredos.”
Agent Sparkle glanced at Agent Glow. Agent Glow’s jaw moved like he was chewing bubble gum.
“We know you’re an alien.”
“Or why did you think we’d call you here, asshole?”
“To ask about the extended warranty of your U.F.O.?”
“Where’s the U.A.P., dickwad?”
“The only acronym you’re going to need next is C.C.C.”
“D.E.A. won’t have even bones after we’ve chewed your ass through.”
“You xeno scum.”
“Alien trash.”
“You won’t be going back to the land of the sombrero anymore-”
“Bob, a word.”
“Agent Sparkle?”
“Agent Glow.”
“May I see your badge?”
Sparkle opened the black badge, examined it, and handed it back. “The wrong badge.”
“Whaddaya mean?”
“This isn’t I.C.E., this is C.I.A.”
“What do you-”
“Beloved Christ, This isn’t the I.C.E., that mexican bullshit - this is - that , that there , that’s an Alien.“
“An Illegal Alien-”
“A really illegal alien.”
“Our speciality-”
“No, our speciality, this is the CIA and that thing doesn’t have the same organs as we do-”
“Yeah, I know, I get it.”
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“Tell me what you get, Agent-”
“I get it, I get it, this is some Agent Scully bullshit, okay-”
“No, that’s the FBI. This is CIA- go get coffee.”
“Coffee? You want me to go and get coffee?”
“Go get the fucking coffee.”
“You want me to go and get some coffee-”
“No, I want tea and biscuits - did I fucking stutter? Coffee, not covfefe.”
“How do you want it?”
“Black - unless you’re offended by it.”
“What-”
“Fucking jerk.”
Two folders thick with paper slammed against the table, followed by the screech of two chairs.
“Agent Ted Sparkle.”
“Agent Bob Glow.”
The two suits sat down, adjusted their ties, placed their badges on the table, pulled the squeaking chairs closer to the table. Their elbows hit the table at the same moment, and their lean over was unison. They held the silence like a hostage, until;
“You can stop the bullshit.”, Agent Ted said.
“Nobody likes your stupid bullshit.”
“We know what you are.”
“We know what you did.”
“So quit it.”
“You’re fucked.”
“Officially speaking yes, you’re fucked.”
“We’re talking about twenty, possibly fifty.”
“If the judge is nice.”
“If it’s not nice, you could serve it with a pineapple.”
“So don’t get fruity with us, asshole.”
“Pineapple stuffed in your ass, asshole.”
“The nice guys are gone now.”
“You disgust me.”
“So you better spill the beans.”
The agents kept a pause. Bob sipped from glass of water. Ted kept thinning his lips. They adjusted the black ties like clockwork.
“This is a talking game, pal. No Miranda isn’t going to save you here.”
“Miranda’s a dead bitch.”
“The thing is, we already know so you don’t have to talk.”
“But by keeping your mouth shut you just make it worse.”
“You’re digging yourself a hole.”
“All the way back to Mexico, hombredos.”
Agent Sparkle glanced at Agent Glow. Agent Glow’s jaw moved like he was chewing bubble gum.
“We know you’re an alien.”
“Or why did you think we’d call you here, asshole?”
“To ask about the extended warranty of your U.F.O.?”
“Where’s the U.A.P., dickwad?”
“The only acronym you’re going to need next is C.C.C.”
“D.E.A. won’t have even bones after we’ve chewed your ass through.”
“You xeno scum.”
“Alien trash.”
“You won’t be going back to the land of the sombrero anymore-”
“Bob, a word.”
“Agent Sparkle?”
“Agent Glow.”
“May I see your badge?”
Sparkle opened the black badge, examined it, and handed it back. “The wrong badge.”
“Whaddaya mean?”
“This isn’t I.C.E., this is C.I.A.”
“What do you-”
“Beloved Christ, This isn’t the I.C.E., that mexican bullshit - this is - that , that there , that’s an Alien.“
“An Illegal Alien-”
“A really illegal alien.”
“Our speciality-”
“No, our speciality, this is the CIA and that thing doesn’t have the same organs as we do-”
“Yeah, I know, I get it.”
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“Tell me what you get, Agent-”
“I get it, I get it, this is some Agent Scully bullshit, okay-”
“No, that’s the FBI. This is CIA- go get coffee.”
“Coffee? You want me to go and get coffee?”
“Go get the fucking coffee.”
“You want me to go and get some coffee-”
“No, I want tea and biscuits - did I fucking stutter? Coffee, not covfefe.”
“How do you want it?”
“Black - unless you’re offended by it.”
“What-”
“Fucking jerk.”