willowjadeflower
the storyweaver's apprentice
FADE IN:
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
A jaunty medieval tune dances through the chatter. A gaggle of giggling witches shift before the camera, bottles at their waists clinking, to reveal a skeleton's beer draining through its ribcage at the next table. A MOUNTAIN TROLL's head barely scrapes the ceiling as they thump towards the bar, where ANGELIQUE is polishing glasses, a phone tucked between her ear and her shoulder.
ANGELIQUE, a thirty-something bartender, has a nonchalant air about her, her lips a drying purple and thick glasses balanced on her nose. She's smiling in amusement at the voice on the other end when the MOUNTAIN TROLL approaches with a bundle of coins.
MOUNTAIN TROLL
A drunk VAMPIRE leans over a nearby table, drawling their words.
A collection of "Bye"'s and "See you"'s and "Thank you"'s meander through the air as the last of the dark creatures trail out the door until there's no one but ANGELIQUE. She remains on the phone, heading out from behind the bar to close the door, hang the "closed" sign, and putter around putting chairs back just so, wiping the tables down with the touch of someone who knows the history of their wood.
EXT. TAVERN
Shadows drap over the outer walls of the tavern.
INT. TAVERN
Angelique's back at the bar, flipping the rag around the hand, when the sound of the door opening makes her lift her head in confusion. Shadows lengthen on the tavern floor. Her expression closes off.
Cut to over her shoulder, her punching in a new number before lifting the phone to her ear, revealing the intruders: a group of elves, humans, and dwarves, proud and elegant and righteous. They stride into the tavern like they already own the place, one human looking around with a wrinkled nose. A tall elf runs a judgemental finger along a tabletop and looks at said finger with distaste.
She hangs up just as the MAIN ELF, a tall and willowy being with long, pointed ears and even longer hair, strolls too close to the bar for her liking.
A DWARF wearing a heavy-looking cross cranes her head, smiling.
One of the HUMANS is holding a sword, which they aimlessly twirl in their hand, the edge nearly knicking one of ANGELIQUE's tables.
The other HUMAN smiles almost sympathetically, wand against his cheek.
MAIN ELF reaches out to stroke a finger down one of the bottles standing upfront - it shattered at his touch. Angelique jumps, and hisses as a few pieces of glass hits her arm.
EXT. TAVERN
Music is playing. Upbeat, harsh.
INT. TAVERN
EXT. TAVERN
Someone is approaching the door. They throw on a jacket, the image of a bloody rose getting stabbed with a sword emblazoned on the back. A pair of gossamer wings flutter into view.
INT. TAVERN
ROSE LILY throws open the doors with both hands, music still blasting from her hip. She has the energy of a twenty-something who's discovered that adulthood is a lie and is ready to throw hands with the nearest trash can. The only hint to her occupation of a magical surgeon was the patch of a hospital cross ironed onto the shoulder of her jacket.
An ELF marches up to ROSE LILY, elegantly cracking each knuckle with series of loud pops.
The ELF flushes red and swings. ROSE LILY promptly zips out of the way, dodging the blow and popping up from behind the ELF to the beat of her music, jumping high in the air with a chair in her hands.
The chair glows in a cloud of sparkly gold dust, and ROSE LILY swings it down hard, cracking it on the ELF's head. One ELF down. MAIN ELF, two HUMANS, and a DWARF are heading her way.
MAIN ELF has summoned a fireball while the chair smacks the DWARF in the face and sends her flying into the wall. HUMANS are charging, one with a sword and the other with a wand.
WAND HUMAN casts a crackling ball of electricity behind the SWORD HUMAN's slashing attack - ROSE LILY bounds into the air, wings fluttering.
She handsprings off SWORD HUMAN's head, stealing their hat and tucking the electricity ball inside, jumping off a table and using the momentum to swing the electrified hat back at SWORD HUMAN, who shrieks as it hits their sword and jolts down to their hands.
MAIN ELF is trying to aim his fireball at ROSE LILY as she lands on the bar.
ANGELIQUE tosses up a cheaper bottle of champagne and ROSE LILY kicks it right into the path of the fireball, shattering the bottle and dousing the flame.
MAIN ELF has set the top of his staff aflame and was breathing in as if to blow it - ROSE LILY blows a fistful of sparkling fairy dust in his face, and his eyes bug out as he chokes. ROSE LILY then steals his staff and whacks him over the head.
ROSE LILY jumps down to parry a spell launched by WAND HUMAN and block an axe attack from a revived DWARF with her stolen staff.
DWARF lets out a yell as she chops the staff in half, so ROSE LILY sends a hefty punch to the face, and ducks so that WAND HUMAN could magically punch DWARF in the face.
ROSE LILY twists WAND HUMAN's arm around, making him shriek.
WAND HUMAN gets his bearings and hooks an arm around ROSE LILY's neck. As she struggles, the DWARF comes up for an attack - gritting her teeth in a wild grin, ROSE LILY uses her foot to drag a chair towards her and shove it against the DWARF, then pushes off the impact to flip up and over WAND HUMAN, breaking his grip.
A hand grabs her boot - the SWORD HUMAN, having abandoned their crackling sword, drags her down and punches her in the face. ROSE LILY gapes at them in awe, blood smeared on her chin from her freshly split lip, before dodging the next blow.
ROSE LILY and SWORD HUMAN engage in a fistfight with the vigor and bloodlust of dragons over a shared pile of gold. They both land on top of a table, and, to escape, ROSE LILY spits in his face.
Seeing DWARF and WAND HUMAN coming to help, she opens her wings and flies to the ceiling.
Then, the chandelier drops right on top of the three of them.
INT. TAVERN
It's quiet now. ROSE LILY's turned off her music, panting and gripping her side as she floats to the ground. The chandelier's bounced harmlessly on the ground, and she sends it back up. The groaning bodies underneath refuse to get up.
ROSE LILY looks over at ANGELIQUE, who is currently stepping on top of the MAIN ELF on her way over.
ROSE LILY wipes the blood off her jacket, licks her fingers, and waves. She turns her music back on and strolls over to the entrance, throwing both doors open into the night.
FADE OUT
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
A jaunty medieval tune dances through the chatter. A gaggle of giggling witches shift before the camera, bottles at their waists clinking, to reveal a skeleton's beer draining through its ribcage at the next table. A MOUNTAIN TROLL's head barely scrapes the ceiling as they thump towards the bar, where ANGELIQUE is polishing glasses, a phone tucked between her ear and her shoulder.
ANGELIQUE, a thirty-something bartender, has a nonchalant air about her, her lips a drying purple and thick glasses balanced on her nose. She's smiling in amusement at the voice on the other end when the MOUNTAIN TROLL approaches with a bundle of coins.
MOUNTAIN TROLL
Thanks, Angelique. For everything.
ANGELIQUE
(over the phone)
(over the phone)
Hold on, hon.
(to the TROLL)
Of course, darling, whatever you need. Have a wonderful night.
A drunk VAMPIRE leans over a nearby table, drawling their words.
VAMPIRE
Angelique, you're not closing early tomorrow are you?
ANGELIQUE
No, just for tonight, now out with you!
(to the rest of the small tavern)
That goes for the rest of you, too! Off you go!
A collection of "Bye"'s and "See you"'s and "Thank you"'s meander through the air as the last of the dark creatures trail out the door until there's no one but ANGELIQUE. She remains on the phone, heading out from behind the bar to close the door, hang the "closed" sign, and putter around putting chairs back just so, wiping the tables down with the touch of someone who knows the history of their wood.
EXT. TAVERN
Shadows drap over the outer walls of the tavern.
ANGELIQUE (O.S.)
Hope the delivery's not too much to ask, I can never find these ingredients from the regular market -
INT. TAVERN
Angelique's back at the bar, flipping the rag around the hand, when the sound of the door opening makes her lift her head in confusion. Shadows lengthen on the tavern floor. Her expression closes off.
ANGELIQUE
Hold on. I need to make another call.
Cut to over her shoulder, her punching in a new number before lifting the phone to her ear, revealing the intruders: a group of elves, humans, and dwarves, proud and elegant and righteous. They stride into the tavern like they already own the place, one human looking around with a wrinkled nose. A tall elf runs a judgemental finger along a tabletop and looks at said finger with distaste.
ANGELIQUE
(in a lowered voice)
(in a lowered voice)
Rose Lily. Come quick. It's an adventure party.
She hangs up just as the MAIN ELF, a tall and willowy being with long, pointed ears and even longer hair, strolls too close to the bar for her liking.
ANGELIQUE
(coldly)
(coldly)
I would offer you all a drink, but, sadly, I'm closed early tonight, gentlebeings. So sorry.
MAIN ELF
Oh, but we would love your drinks.
A DWARF wearing a heavy-looking cross cranes her head, smiling.
DWARF
All your drinks.
One of the HUMANS is holding a sword, which they aimlessly twirl in their hand, the edge nearly knicking one of ANGELIQUE's tables.
SWORD HUMAN
And we don't feeling like paying tonight.
The other HUMAN smiles almost sympathetically, wand against his cheek.
WAND HUMAN
Pity you're tending your bar all alone.
MAIN ELF
Wouldn't be too much trouble, would it? It would be a bigger pity to have to leave this nice tavern without its bartender... wouldn't it?
EXT. TAVERN
Music is playing. Upbeat, harsh.
INT. TAVERN
ANGELIQUE
I really am sorry.
EXT. TAVERN
Someone is approaching the door. They throw on a jacket, the image of a bloody rose getting stabbed with a sword emblazoned on the back. A pair of gossamer wings flutter into view.
INT. TAVERN
ANGELIQUE
But we are definitely, absolutely closed.
ROSE LILY throws open the doors with both hands, music still blasting from her hip. She has the energy of a twenty-something who's discovered that adulthood is a lie and is ready to throw hands with the nearest trash can. The only hint to her occupation of a magical surgeon was the patch of a hospital cross ironed onto the shoulder of her jacket.
ROSE LILY
What up, losers. Am I late to the party?
ANGELIQUE
Yes.
MAIN ELF
What the everloving -
ROSE LILY
They threatening you, Angie?
ANGELIQUE
(mournfully)
(mournfully)
Elfboy broke my best bottle.
ROSE LILY
Well, shit.
An ELF marches up to ROSE LILY, elegantly cracking each knuckle with series of loud pops.
ELF
Would you happen to be here to cause trouble, young fairy?
ROSE LILY
Oh, you wanna fight? Bet you couldn't scrape a brick standing right in front of your face.
The ELF flushes red and swings. ROSE LILY promptly zips out of the way, dodging the blow and popping up from behind the ELF to the beat of her music, jumping high in the air with a chair in her hands.
ANGELIQUE
Don't go breaking my furniture, hon!
ROSE LILY
'Course, who do you think I am?
The chair glows in a cloud of sparkly gold dust, and ROSE LILY swings it down hard, cracking it on the ELF's head. One ELF down. MAIN ELF, two HUMANS, and a DWARF are heading her way.
ROSE LILY
(swinging the chair and launching it through the air at the rest of the group as she yells over their fury)
(swinging the chair and launching it through the air at the rest of the group as she yells over their fury)
How was your day, Angie?
MAIN ELF has summoned a fireball while the chair smacks the DWARF in the face and sends her flying into the wall. HUMANS are charging, one with a sword and the other with a wand.
ANGELIQUE
(collecting her most precious bottles out of the way)
(collecting her most precious bottles out of the way)
Oh you know, same old. You?
WAND HUMAN casts a crackling ball of electricity behind the SWORD HUMAN's slashing attack - ROSE LILY bounds into the air, wings fluttering.
ROSE LILY
Ugh, you wouldn't believe my day!
She handsprings off SWORD HUMAN's head, stealing their hat and tucking the electricity ball inside, jumping off a table and using the momentum to swing the electrified hat back at SWORD HUMAN, who shrieks as it hits their sword and jolts down to their hands.
ROSE LILY
Stupid poisoned stream, had to medicate the flippin' well -
MAIN ELF is trying to aim his fireball at ROSE LILY as she lands on the bar.
ANGELIQUE
How in the world did the stream get poisoned?
ANGELIQUE tosses up a cheaper bottle of champagne and ROSE LILY kicks it right into the path of the fireball, shattering the bottle and dousing the flame.
ROSE LILY
Some idiot wizard dumping failed experiments into the stream - sucks to be him. Made sure his blood ended up part of the antidote. Hah!
MAIN ELF has set the top of his staff aflame and was breathing in as if to blow it - ROSE LILY blows a fistful of sparkling fairy dust in his face, and his eyes bug out as he chokes. ROSE LILY then steals his staff and whacks him over the head.
ROSE LILY
And then, frickin' mass love spell - wasted a shit ton of fairy dust turning the originator into stone -
ROSE LILY jumps down to parry a spell launched by WAND HUMAN and block an axe attack from a revived DWARF with her stolen staff.
ANGELIQUE
(ducking behind the bar to avoid a stray spell before popping her head back up)
(ducking behind the bar to avoid a stray spell before popping her head back up)
Petrification is mean, 'Lil.
ROSE LILY
Well, no one's a flipping love zombie anymore, are they?
DWARF lets out a yell as she chops the staff in half, so ROSE LILY sends a hefty punch to the face, and ducks so that WAND HUMAN could magically punch DWARF in the face.
ROSE LILY
(grabbing WAND HUMAN's wand arm)
(grabbing WAND HUMAN's wand arm)
Oh, guess what?
ANGELIQUE
(dropping a crate on DWARF's head)
(dropping a crate on DWARF's head)
What?
ROSE LILY twists WAND HUMAN's arm around, making him shriek.
ROSE LILY
(out of breath)
(out of breath)
Phil - called me over - just the other day - to beat up some goons at - his place - you'd think adventurers would stop stealing shit - if you assholes pay me already it might become my full-time job -
WAND HUMAN gets his bearings and hooks an arm around ROSE LILY's neck. As she struggles, the DWARF comes up for an attack - gritting her teeth in a wild grin, ROSE LILY uses her foot to drag a chair towards her and shove it against the DWARF, then pushes off the impact to flip up and over WAND HUMAN, breaking his grip.
ROSE LILY
(coughing as she hovers in the air)
(coughing as she hovers in the air)
Gah, is that all you've got? Come on, I haven't a good fight in FOREVER!
A hand grabs her boot - the SWORD HUMAN, having abandoned their crackling sword, drags her down and punches her in the face. ROSE LILY gapes at them in awe, blood smeared on her chin from her freshly split lip, before dodging the next blow.
ROSE LILY
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! PAIN!
ROSE LILY and SWORD HUMAN engage in a fistfight with the vigor and bloodlust of dragons over a shared pile of gold. They both land on top of a table, and, to escape, ROSE LILY spits in his face.
SWORD HUMAN
(squawking and wiping at his eyes)
(squawking and wiping at his eyes)
That's cheating!
ROSE LILY
No honor in a real fight, buddy!
Seeing DWARF and WAND HUMAN coming to help, she opens her wings and flies to the ceiling.
DWARF
Get down here and fight properly, you coward!
ROSE LILY
(perched on a chandelier)
(perched on a chandelier)
Rest assured, my conscience will one hundred percent haunt me later.
Then, the chandelier drops right on top of the three of them.
INT. TAVERN
It's quiet now. ROSE LILY's turned off her music, panting and gripping her side as she floats to the ground. The chandelier's bounced harmlessly on the ground, and she sends it back up. The groaning bodies underneath refuse to get up.
ROSE LILY
Nice.
ANGELIQUE
Rose Lily!
ROSE LILY looks over at ANGELIQUE, who is currently stepping on top of the MAIN ELF on her way over.
ANGELIQUE
Thanks.
ROSE LILY
No biggie.
ANGELIQUE
(placing a hand on ROSE LILY's shoulder and giving it a warm squeeze)
(placing a hand on ROSE LILY's shoulder and giving it a warm squeeze)
No really, it means a lot.
ROSE LILY
Oh geez, turn off your appreciation, I think I might hurl.
ANGELIQUE
Let me know what I can do for you, hon, anything, anytime.
ROSE LILY
(looking over at the defeated adventurers, who were now crawling out the door)
(looking over at the defeated adventurers, who were now crawling out the door)
You don't have to do anything. I just came to satisfy my raging thirst for blood.
ANGELIQUE
(laughing)
(laughing)
Still, my offer stands.
ROSE LILY
… Well.
(she grins at ANGELIQUE, revealing two vampiric fangs)
You can call me if these bastards ever come bother you again.
ANGELIQUE
(with a wink)
(with a wink)
I'll spread the word.
ROSE LILY
Sweet. I'm gonna go drain the blood out of those loons now.
ROSE LILY wipes the blood off her jacket, licks her fingers, and waves. She turns her music back on and strolls over to the entrance, throwing both doors open into the night.
FADE OUT
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