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Dear Abby
On matters of ettiquette, love, scandal and other minor inconveniences.
A Note from the Editor-
Please know that names have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty and anyone who is hunted by both.
The Gloam Gazette accepts NO responsibility for offended nobles, thwarted plots, indecent marriage proposals, retalitory curses or unfortunate situations involving sharp objects nor beleaguered devils attempting to collect on debts.
All correspondence is confidential, unless it is rather entertaining.
- Editorial Staff of the Gloam Gazette
Dear Abby, My Superior Has an Unhealthy Attachment to Her Outerwear.
I recently had the misfortune of speaking with a Lady from last night's feast at Castle Umbravale. During the conversation, her cloak made a rather judgemental remark about my appearance. The Lady did not correct it. I find this deeply inappropriate! Surely there is protocol for keeping one's clothing from participating in courtly conversation?
Dear Fashionably Offended,
While I generally agree that clothing should not participate in conversation. It can be rather disconcerting to find one's self the pointed subject of disapproval. I still fear you have made a rather grievous error.
If a cloak has an opinion, it stands to reason the cloak may actually be an individual under a curse or spell. Did it occur to you that perhaps the clothing had a conscious? Who possesses both the ability to speak and, apparently, a rather discerning eye for fashion?
NEED I remind you that insulting a lady's attire is also considered poor manners?
As for the Lady's failure to intervene, have you considered that she may have agreed with the assessment? Silence, particularly from a woman of her disposition, should not be mistaken for disapproval
I would advise you keep your mouth shut the next time this garment deigns you worthy of it's instruction, reconsider your wardrobe and refrain from pursuing this matter further.
Yours in fashionable discretion,
Abby
P.S. Should the cloak ever compliment your appearance, I would strongly advise checking whether you are dressed appropriately for your own funeral.
Dear Abby, Must We Now Bow to the Dragonborn Twice?
I recently witnessed a courtier bow to a dragonborn knight, then bow again when he realized the dragonborn was apparently carrying the blessing of Bahamut. I find this excessive. Does divine favor entitle one to additional bows, or are we simply expected to invent new forms of groveling whenever someone receives an upgrade?
Dear Ostensibly Upright,
I can certainly appreciate your concern. After all, courtly ettiquette can have demanding protocols and certainly isn't for the faint of heart.
Tell me, have you tried NOT being intimidated by beings smaller than yourself? Or is this a deeper psychosocial issue?
My advice is to simply bow once, probably with some manner of enthusiasm and gusto. One can definitely agree that seeing an excited bow will most notably erase the issue of numbers of bows and make amends as to the energy of the first.
Keep your knees flexible and your opinions to yourself until you have established just how much divine influence the gentleman has.
After all, dear reader, it is considerably easier to recover one's dignity from an overly enthusiastic bow than from explaining to a dragonborn blessed by Bahamut why you thought him unworthy of one.
Yours in proper reverence,
Abby
P.S. I understand Sir Grek is also betrothed to Her Majesty. You may wish to practice your curtsy as well. One can never be too prepared.
Dear Abby, My Husband Has Started Practicing His Smile.
Ever since meeting a rather handsome orange tiefling knight, my husband has become obsessed with appearing mysterious and brooding. He now stands beside windows, stares into the distance, and answers simple questions with cryptic remarks. Yesterday, I asked whether he wanted lamb or venison, and he replied, "Some choices cannot be undone." I fear I may have married an idiot.
Dear Concerned,
I am afraid you have not married an idiot. (Much as we would wish to give such monikers at any given moment when in consideration of the questionable choices of significant others.)
He is clearly suffering from Excessive Romantic Affection.
This well documented affliction happens to otherwise sensible gentlemen who encounter particularly brooding individuals and seems to convince them that mystery is a substitute for personality.
My advice? Do not indulge him.
When he stands before a window, simply draw the curtains closed. When he speaks in riddles, ask him to repeat himself in Common. And should he ever again respond to your reasonible and sensible request with another noncommital answer, simply present him with both lamb and venison and simply state that the answer had been chosen for him thusly.
There is very seriously only room for one brooding romantic in a marriage and I suspect he lacks even the most basic of qualifications.
Yours in Exasperation,
Abby
On matters of ettiquette, love, scandal and other minor inconveniences.
A Note from the Editor-
Please know that names have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty and anyone who is hunted by both.
The Gloam Gazette accepts NO responsibility for offended nobles, thwarted plots, indecent marriage proposals, retalitory curses or unfortunate situations involving sharp objects nor beleaguered devils attempting to collect on debts.
All correspondence is confidential, unless it is rather entertaining.
- Editorial Staff of the Gloam Gazette
Dear Abby, My Superior Has an Unhealthy Attachment to Her Outerwear.
I recently had the misfortune of speaking with a Lady from last night's feast at Castle Umbravale. During the conversation, her cloak made a rather judgemental remark about my appearance. The Lady did not correct it. I find this deeply inappropriate! Surely there is protocol for keeping one's clothing from participating in courtly conversation?
Dear Fashionably Offended,
While I generally agree that clothing should not participate in conversation. It can be rather disconcerting to find one's self the pointed subject of disapproval. I still fear you have made a rather grievous error.
If a cloak has an opinion, it stands to reason the cloak may actually be an individual under a curse or spell. Did it occur to you that perhaps the clothing had a conscious? Who possesses both the ability to speak and, apparently, a rather discerning eye for fashion?
NEED I remind you that insulting a lady's attire is also considered poor manners?
As for the Lady's failure to intervene, have you considered that she may have agreed with the assessment? Silence, particularly from a woman of her disposition, should not be mistaken for disapproval
I would advise you keep your mouth shut the next time this garment deigns you worthy of it's instruction, reconsider your wardrobe and refrain from pursuing this matter further.
Yours in fashionable discretion,
Abby
P.S. Should the cloak ever compliment your appearance, I would strongly advise checking whether you are dressed appropriately for your own funeral.
Dear Abby, Must We Now Bow to the Dragonborn Twice?
I recently witnessed a courtier bow to a dragonborn knight, then bow again when he realized the dragonborn was apparently carrying the blessing of Bahamut. I find this excessive. Does divine favor entitle one to additional bows, or are we simply expected to invent new forms of groveling whenever someone receives an upgrade?
Dear Ostensibly Upright,
I can certainly appreciate your concern. After all, courtly ettiquette can have demanding protocols and certainly isn't for the faint of heart.
Tell me, have you tried NOT being intimidated by beings smaller than yourself? Or is this a deeper psychosocial issue?
My advice is to simply bow once, probably with some manner of enthusiasm and gusto. One can definitely agree that seeing an excited bow will most notably erase the issue of numbers of bows and make amends as to the energy of the first.
Keep your knees flexible and your opinions to yourself until you have established just how much divine influence the gentleman has.
After all, dear reader, it is considerably easier to recover one's dignity from an overly enthusiastic bow than from explaining to a dragonborn blessed by Bahamut why you thought him unworthy of one.
Yours in proper reverence,
Abby
P.S. I understand Sir Grek is also betrothed to Her Majesty. You may wish to practice your curtsy as well. One can never be too prepared.
Dear Abby, My Husband Has Started Practicing His Smile.
Ever since meeting a rather handsome orange tiefling knight, my husband has become obsessed with appearing mysterious and brooding. He now stands beside windows, stares into the distance, and answers simple questions with cryptic remarks. Yesterday, I asked whether he wanted lamb or venison, and he replied, "Some choices cannot be undone." I fear I may have married an idiot.
Dear Concerned,
I am afraid you have not married an idiot. (Much as we would wish to give such monikers at any given moment when in consideration of the questionable choices of significant others.)
He is clearly suffering from Excessive Romantic Affection.
This well documented affliction happens to otherwise sensible gentlemen who encounter particularly brooding individuals and seems to convince them that mystery is a substitute for personality.
My advice? Do not indulge him.
When he stands before a window, simply draw the curtains closed. When he speaks in riddles, ask him to repeat himself in Common. And should he ever again respond to your reasonible and sensible request with another noncommital answer, simply present him with both lamb and venison and simply state that the answer had been chosen for him thusly.
There is very seriously only room for one brooding romantic in a marriage and I suspect he lacks even the most basic of qualifications.
Yours in Exasperation,
Abby
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