"I see the world differently than others. Two sets of eyes to see the day in two different ways."
"Isn't that a good thing? You can never think one sided because you have two separate opinions on everything."
"I've been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder because of you."
"Learn to control me and they might find you normal."
"I've been classified as a phsycopath for killing her. I only felt emotions when it came to Summer... only Summer..."
Summer... Summer... Summer... Summer... Don't leave me.
My mind is my hell. The demon inside will torment me constantly by talking to me, urging me to do things I know I shouldn't. I can feel him pushing at the back of my eyes, trying to get free, trying to take control of my being. He believes one day my mask will crack and I will become something that I have been pushing off for ten years. He wants to see me crumble so I can be a marionette to his desires to kill. I hate him, I truly want to see him suffer in horrid ways, ways a child like me should never see.
The demon is me. No matter what way I put it this demon is myself, a part of me that is leaching on. Simply a parasite I was born with, one a doctor cannot remove. I will be given no correct diagnosis, nobody knows what's going on behind the curtains.
Bi-Polar, Multiple Personality, Psychopath, and some others that I can not recall. Humans believe they know everything when there is a whole other world inside their own that they're unable to see.
My mind is filled with memories, memories that make my heart sick from a deep depression. Says the therapist. I will relive these memories in my head, that is what makes this place my hell. I will have detailed memories of that day. The day where Summer was taken away from me, all the warmth she brought to me died away. Now I shiver, shake, and my teeth constantly chatter. Simply anxiety! Oh, sure, that's whats causing me to shake! No, i'm missing my Summer. There is no warmth from her hugs, no humidity from her shouts of rage, and her harsh glow had slowly went down until there was no more soul to keep it shining. The same day I had to protect my older sister for once. I curse my small body and limited strength, and I curse that drunken slur of a 'man' who held me where I was. Nails dug into my flesh, burns formed on my pale wrists, and the intense smell of alcohol filled my lungs and burned my throat. A horrid man was still out there. I curse myself for not end him as well. 'Never give up', I suppose it was true when I had broke free from his grasp when I saw her hit the floor.
Summer had looked at me, and i'll never forget those eyes. The eyes that had told me she was dying, that she had to leave me and had no other choice. 'Live' was her final word. Her voice was so small, so weak... She was normally a bursting ball of energy, trying to make everything seem positive. She was dying, and all her warmth was surely leaving her body as well.
I had let my demon take over, I had no will to hold back anymore at that time. I let go, relaxed my body to the point where my mind would twist into something demonic. It felt amazing to be able to not constantly be on guard, waiting for the slam in my head that told me that I was going to be fighting myself for the next few hours. The demon part of me was thirsty for blood, and ready to kill anyone in the room. My mother was the one and only I killed that day. When I snapped back with crimson dripping hands and my mother trashing on the ground I ran to my sister. I dragged her carefully, my body struggled greatly to move hers outside. My throat hurt at the end of that day from the screaming, and crying. I hadn't spoken a word to the police besides 'No! Don't touch her!' or simple, "Summer!'. In my head I had said many things to my older sister.
It's like you set me in a white area. I can never feel the ground, feel the air. I don't even know if the area i'm in is water or air. Am I drowning, standing, falling? I never know, it is simple a white room of nothing. After some time it seems like the room simply becomes a large TV in my mind, the sound on high so I could not ignore the sounds. I torment myself for that day, and all the days before that lead up to this. I watch on replay, to torture myself. I do it so the feeling will never leave me, so I will never forgive myself for what had happened. I could have done more, I should have been a better brother and protected my older sister.
I am my own hell, and I will never escape this endless loop.